The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here - Page 10 - SV650.org

28-11-06, 02:35 PM

Q: Whats the difference between BSE and PMT ?
A: One is mad cow disease the other is an agricultural problem.

I thank you, TAXI !

Richie · 28-11-06, 10:38 PM

http://www.nuts.co.uk/howsmyparking/

28-11-06, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richie1743

http://www.nuts.co.uk/howsmyparking/

Essex of Essex · 29-11-06, 12:16 AM

Work safe and in better taste than my cat post.

http://www.b2.is/?sida=tengill&id=201138

29-11-06, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richie1743

http://www.nuts.co.uk/howsmyparking/

Laughed so much I nearly barfed !

29-11-06, 03:27 PM

Just got this email from a former work colleague:

ATTENTION!

ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST EMAILING TO SAY GOODBYE.

Well, it made me chuckle anyway.

21QUEST · 30-11-06, 01:25 AM

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player
to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from
the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off,
and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then
clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the
wires,

Clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for
the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to
rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to
warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed .. "What kind of people would name a
bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

Cheers
Ben

21QUEST · 30-11-06, 03:09 AM

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...86138711912043

Cheers
Ben

21QUEST · 30-11-06, 03:15 AM

Bone head

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...99754228450837

Cheers
Ben

30-11-06, 09:41 AM

Like most jokes you have to read em first before you see how bad they are. I have had inflicted on me here so I thought you lot deserved the same punishment. Some of them are repeats but have to be included otherwise the last one don't work (probably doesn't anyway) err, I think i'll log off again now...

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, it's Not Unusual."

7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

9. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

10. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

11. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

12. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam"!

13. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

14. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

15. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

16. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

17. And finally, there was the person who sent 17 different puns to friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

28-11-06, 10:38 PM	#92
Richie fantabulas Mega Poster Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Nr Durham Posts: 4,940	Hows your Parking http://www.nuts.co.uk/howsmyparking/ __________________ My Flickr photos

29-11-06, 12:16 AM	#94
Essex of Essex Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Braintree Posts: 547	Horny Man Work safe and in better taste than my cat post. http://www.b2.is/?sida=tengill&id=201138

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
This will probably go into the comedy club	plowsie	Idle Banter	4	23-09-08 01:16 PM
Another Insurance comedy moment...	lynw	Idle Banter	1	21-04-07 08:23 PM
Comedy call to Bennetts	Gazza77	Bikes - Talk & Issues	35	16-04-07 10:00 AM
BBC2 Comedy	Warthog	Idle Banter	15	15-09-06 05:33 PM

28-11-06, 02:35 PM	#91
tricky Guest Posts: n/a	Q: Whats the difference between BSE and PMT ? A: One is mad cow disease the other is an agricultural problem. I thank you, TAXI !

29-11-06, 03:27 PM	#96
peanut Guest Posts: n/a	Just got this email from a former work colleague: ATTENTION! ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE. YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST EMAILING TO SAY GOODBYE. Well, it made me chuckle anyway.

30-11-06, 09:41 AM	#100
skint Guest Posts: n/a	Like most jokes you have to read em first before you see how bad they are. I have had inflicted on me here so I thought you lot deserved the same punishment. Some of them are repeats but have to be included otherwise the last one don't work (probably doesn't anyway) err, I think i'll log off again now... 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra... 4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, it's Not Unusual." 7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 9. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 10. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. 11. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 12. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam"! 13. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 14. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 15. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 16. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 17. And finally, there was the person who sent 17 different puns to friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.