I just found out I am a father... (read comment)

[keith_d]

Hopefully, you can see a little of the mother's perspective too. The last few years have probably had more than their share of s***ty bits for her and, right or wrong, she blames you. So she's not going to be rolling out the red carpet.

If life starts getting a bit better for her in the future maybe some of that resentment will wear off. In the mean time, if she can set it aside for your daughters sake that's a good start, and seeing you want what's best for your daughter too will help.

I don't imagine this is going to be easy, but I hope you can work it out.

Keith.

Originally Posted by Cymraeg_Atodeg

She does, trust me, that much is clear. But, she is being adult about it and not letting her hate stop her daughter having her father around.

I want to be there for my daughter, but, I feel bad because, like I said, I sitll like the mother...

Originally Posted by keith_d

Hopefully, you can see a little of the mother's perspective too. The last few years have probably had more than their share of s***ty bits for her and, right or wrong, she blames you. So she's not going to be rolling out the red carpet.

If life starts getting a bit better for her in the future maybe some of that resentment will wear off. In the mean time, if she can set it aside for your daughters sake that's a good start, and seeing you want what's best for your daughter too will help.

I don't imagine this is going to be easy, but I hope you can work it out.

Keith.

I don't blame her in the slightest dude, infact I expected it. Anyway, I am past it now, was up till 3am this morning thinking about things and came to a very simple conclusion.

the mother is not happy with me, so what? I am in this for my daughter. The mother has a life, a new love, a house etc. I haven't got **** but my daughter and my bike. Now, that is just fine by me

Originally Posted by metalangel

I need to stop going on vacation... every time I come back, things have happened.

Dude, you shouldn't go anywhere, rofl

No really... last time I went on a proper long trip I came back to (a different forum) and found there'd been a major schism and the place had basically fallen apart.

And now this, I am totally blown away by it and don't know what to say. Sorry for that.

By the way, maybe it's because I know nothing of things like this but isn't there something where the father only has to pay child support (such as in a divorce) so long as the mother isn't in a relationship? Complete ignorance here, folks, don't bite my head off.

EDIT: Especially as I'm not suggesting it as a way for Tony to evade responsiblity. I'm just curious.

[ophic]

Originally Posted by metalangel

By the way, maybe it's because I know nothing of things like this but isn't there something where the father only has to pay child support (such as in a divorce) so long as the mother isn't in a relationship? Complete ignorance here, folks, don't bite my head off.

It's a short answer, this one:

no

Originally Posted by Cymraeg_Atodeg

I don't blame her in the slightest dude, infact I expected it. Anyway, I am past it now, was up till 3am this morning thinking about things and came to a very simple conclusion.

the mother is not happy with me, so what? I am in this for my daughter. The mother has a life, a new love, a house etc. I haven't got **** but my daughter and my bike. Now, that is just fine by me

I guess that's the first step. The feelings will go in time, as you leave her and your relationship in the past. It's always hard, reminding yourself all the time to let the feeling go. She will stop hating you once you prove to be a good (and useful!) father.

Like you say, you have the important things!

[ophic]

Originally Posted by carternd

She will stop hating you once you prove to be a good (and useful!) father.

This is, of course, assuming she's a normal decent human being. My advice is, make sure you don't get walked over. You may be able to devote a lot of time to your daughter, but draw the line between what you do for your daughter and what you do for her mum. The way to look at it is to ask yourself, who is benefiting? Get it wrong and you'll become an on demand babysitting service, which will cause havoc with whatever relationship you get into in future. Draw up the groundrules now.

Originally Posted by ophic

It's a short answer, this one:

no

You don't know until you ask. I may have been thinking of alimony. Thanks!

I am planning now to sort out all the ground rules with the Mum and make sure I can get access to my daughter and get to know her.

It is alright, I know I am useful as the mother is short of money, which I am not, lol

[yorkie_chris]

Yes but don't let her take the p*ss.

Best of luck with it.