The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

Like my new Advent Calendar?

Awsome.

... Do they do crates for litre bottles?....

husband: tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time

wife: OK your wedding tackle is bigger than your brothers.

Teacher: Johnny, can you give me a sentence with the word "contagious" in it?

Johnny: Yes Miss. Our next door neigbour is painting the outside of his house with a toothbrush, and our Dad says it'll take the contagious.

Originally Posted by keithd

husband: tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time

wife: OK your wedding tackle is bigger than your brothers.

diluted! booooooooooo

Originally Posted by keithd

diluted! booooooooooo

I saw it in full glory, and just kept quiet. (quietly giggling to myself that was)

EDIT: & You know what, it never dawned on me what the original wording was.... but I won't open that can of worms again as there's a thread already dedicated to it.

Originally Posted by Beenz

Like my new Advent Calendar?

Like it

nice one SPANKY-HAM

The M25 and M1 were in the pub and the M25 was boasting , "I am the hardest road in the country....."

The A1 walks in and the M25 walks over to it, and just one look makes the A1 run to the toilet in fear.

The B1507 comes in next and the M25 doesn't even have to move to make it hide in the corner.

Then a dusty red track walks in to the pub and the M25 shakes with fear and hides under the pool table.

"What's up?" says the M1, "I thought you were the hardest road in the country."





"I know," says the M25, "but he's a cycle-path!"

[fizzwheel]

Originally Posted by Kilted Ginger

A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a
flattened dead frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep
of "a house of ill repute" and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she
told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"

Of course the Madam said "No".
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making
love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the

Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten
minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents
are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.

After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she
just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the
disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the
baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch it.

Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go
to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease.


And he's the b*s*ard who ran over my FROG!