The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

[Stu]

Calmness in our lives

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we
could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following
simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner
peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to
finish all the things you have started and have never finished.'

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and
hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning,
I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel,
a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahula, a package
of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest
of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Originally Posted by Beenz

Subject: Directions to London
Take 60 seconds to do this, it's too funny not to.
1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box) (hit
"Get Directions")
6. scroll down to step #23

A husband and wife finish working in the garden and both want a shower. Wife says she will go first and has the shower.

Gets out, starts drying and husband goes in and starts showering.

Doorbell rings - wife says, OK I'll get it, wraps her towell around and goes to the door.

At the door is Bill from next door.

Bill says "You look lovely like that. Tell you what, you drop your towell for a minute and I'll give you 500 quid".

Wife thinks, "well, only a minute for 500 quid why not?", so she drops her towell. After a minute, she puts it back on and Bill hands over £500.

Wife goes upstairs, and husband asks who it was.

"It was Bill from next door" says the Wife.

"Oh good" says the husband. "Did he give you the 500 pounds he owes me then?"

[Stu]

Rictus, you do know how to put on a helmet don't you?

Looks Like Wallace

Thought i was thick to Scoobs but that link cleared things up ty The Basket

Originally Posted by Beenz

Subject: Directions to London
Take 60 seconds to do this, it's too funny not to.
1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box) (hit
"Get Directions")
6. scroll down to step #23

Funny, but why stop in France if you are going to swim? You might as well go direct

Durex have just launched a new line in condoms
"The Iranian"
Can hold seaman for upto 15 days.
Available in Navy only






Well it is my first joke in nearly 3 months

Originally Posted by cuffy

Durex have just launched a new line in condoms
"The Iranian"
Can hold seaman for upto 15 days.
Available in Navy only






Well it is my first joke in nearly 3 months

Welcome back, I see you're still on form

U2's bono name backwards is O-NOB