The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

It was Friday,and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic church to ask for the weekend off.They argued back and forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend. "However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, and run off. Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath. The second nun then goes up to the priest and says,"Forgive me , Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies,"OK, what happened?" She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of his house,and I hit a neighbors dog and killed it."The priest looks up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The second nun goes out. By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly. Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?" She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street." The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding,"God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves. The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down her cheeks. The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so bloody funny?" The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."

[Stingo]

Saw this in a different forum.



How many Forum Subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to 'post' that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

1 to move it to the Lighting Forum section.

2 to argue then move it to the Electrical Forum section .

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs .

5 to 'flame' the spell checkers.

3 to correct spelling/grammar 'flames.'

6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb' ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp.'

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that light bulb is perfectly correct.

19 to 'post' that this Forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb Forum.

11 to defend the 'posting' to this Forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the 'posts' are relevant to this Forum.

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

7 to 'post' URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

4 to 'post' that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs.

3 to 'post' about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

13 to link all 'posts' to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too."

5 to 'post' to the group that they will no longer 'post' because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

4 to say, "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before 'posting' questions about light bulbs."

[fizzwheel]

Stingo quality post mate

[Stingo]

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

[Stingo]

Lady visits her G.P. as her hubby has lost all interest in s*x.
" Does your husband like mustard?" asks the doc..
" Pardon!?" exclaims the lady
" Does your husband like mustard?" repeats the doc.
" Yes he loves it" replies the lady, he smothers his food with it at every sitting.
Doc explains.."This tube of mustard I have here looks like mustard, tastes like mustard but is in fact the most powerfull aphrodisiac in the world and I guarantee your hubby will be insatiable after one dose".
The lady grabs the mustard, thanks the doc and rushes home to prepare hubby's favourite tea.
Hubby arrives home from work "Hello darling, I've made your favourite tea, bangers and mash and there's some fresh mustard for your use".
"Cracking!" says hubby and sits down to tuck in.
The lady rushes upstairs to await her night of passion but before she can reach the bedroom the sound of raucous laughter can be heard coming from the kitchen, she returns downstairs to find her hubby rolling around on the floor in tears of laughter.. when she manages to calm him down and stop him giggling he splutters









" I put some mustard on the sausage and it shot up the cats ar$e"

[Stu]

I don't get it? Why would it do that?

Cus it made the sausage horny so it raped the cat, duh!

[Stingo]

Originally Posted by fizzwheel

Stingo quality post mate

Thankyou Fizz.


Stu...just jokin'....right?

[Stu]

No, it's a bit too unrealistic to me.
The one on forum was quality though, heard it before, but it is just so true.

[Richie]

Originally Posted by Stingo

Saw this in a different forum.



How many Forum Subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to 'post' that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

1 to move it to the Lighting Forum section.

2 to argue then move it to the Electrical Forum section .

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs .

5 to 'flame' the spell checkers.

3 to correct spelling/grammar 'flames.'

6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb' ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp.'

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that light bulb is perfectly correct.

19 to 'post' that this Forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb Forum.

11 to defend the 'posting' to this Forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the 'posts' are relevant to this Forum.

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

7 to 'post' URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

4 to 'post' that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs.

3 to 'post' about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

13 to link all 'posts' to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too."

5 to 'post' to the group that they will no longer 'post' because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

4 to say, "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before 'posting' questions about light bulbs."

good post.