Sodding Familly....& Wedding

Gee wizz thats a tough call Numbers - especially because of the money and your Kitten not wanting her on the table. I had all parties on the one table with mine. It just felt like the right thing to do. I would have felt bad splitting partners up with seating - It kind of says you dont really approve of her by putting her elsewhere IMO - which is a little to personal in a family reception situation.

A very awkward situation for you, one that could cause potential family rifts. I don`t think I`ve read anywhere that your mum is going? I assume she is.

In my opinion the wedding is not about who is the current wife or husband but rather a family oriented event. Stepmothers should not feel badly about their placement in the wedding because wedding etiquette has the birth mother sitting without her current husband if she has remarried.

During the reception the stepmother has to take a back seat unless she and her husband are the hosts of the reception. I think that if you gently explain to your father and stepmum that whilst you accept her into your family and are pleased that your dad has found happiness again you nonetheless want to follow formal wedding etiquette. Reassure them that you will seat her with people she is familiar with and remind them that in the whole grand scheme of things your wedding ceremony will last the whole day and the sit down mean is only a couple of hours out of that whole day.

Perhaps you could include her in some of the wedding arrangements? give her a role so that she feels valuable and helpful?

If they say they`re not coming then go with it... don`t give in to emotional blackmail or control games. Your dad will be there despite what he threatens.

The other option would be that if all parties get along well then is it possible to have your mum and dad plus their partners sat at the top table? If not, ask them both to respect your wishes on this and good luck, I hope the wedding goes well.

[timwilky]

My parents are divorced my mother hates my dads wife (our ex babysitter) with a vengeance. At my bros wedding my mother verbally abused dads wife shouting things like "You can cover sh*t with mink, but it still stinks" etc.

After that we were unable to have both parents at any family wedding, rather than be seen to take sides, when I got married neither were invited.

Dad understood and was cool about it. Mum was angry because she was told she was not invited as she could not control her temper even for one day.

[G]

This is pretty much the whole entire reason why I have not bothered getting married yet......except the cost also lol

Hey Alex thats a difficult situation to be in. But i'm with Lozzo and gruntygiggles speak to kitten about it.

Originally Posted by timwilky

My parents are divorced my mother hates my dads wife (our ex babysitter) with a vengeance. At my bros wedding my mother verbally abused dads wife shouting things like "You can cover sh*t with mink, but it still stinks" etc.

After that we were unable to have both parents at any family wedding, rather than be seen to take sides, when I got married neither were invited.

Dad understood and was cool about it. Mum was angry because she was told she was not invited as she could not control her temper even for one day.

How sad that people can`t put their anger, immaturity and bitterness to one side for such an important occasion!

We had broadly similar problems - families not liking each other etc.

It was so damn stressful, my lot made such a song and dance, in the end I told them that they had two welcomes, they were welcome to come and behave, or they were welcome to stay away.

In the end they came and misbehaved. But that's a long story and I don't want to derail Alex's thread.

Can you not have everyone on the top table, just put them at different ends. That way it stops them moaning. Yes OK they're divorced but it's your day - can't they put your feelings above theirs for a just few hours?

thanks for all the advice, to clarify, my mum will be there and doesnt like, my dads new wife as she is an old friend of the familly, she played no part in bringing me up, although naturally when I do stuff with my dad she is affected so she has had to get used to us being around, I have never lived with either of them since the divorce.

there seems to be three options,

Exclude them both from the top table,

Seat them both on the top table (currently the plan at opposite ends)

Split them and tell them to get over it...

I will speak with catherine and see what she says...

This is really the only issue with the wedding, but its so so so frustrating...

I appreciate the input it helps to read the options so I can see If I am missing anything.

Ill update later when we know whats going on...

cheers

Originally Posted by 454697819

Split them and tell them to get over it...

I would go for this option. Your dad and his new wife are both grown up adults and your dad should support you in your decision.

I know he wishes to sit with his new wife, but it is your wedding at the end of the day and if he would rather put his new wife before you (by not sitting at the top table) then so be it. You mentioned that they have given you a fair sum of cash towards the wedding - dont let that "blackmail" you into letting them get their own way.

It is Kitten's day as well and if she does not want the step-mother at the table then I guess you should do that. From what Ive read, I get the feeling that you dont want your step-mum at the table either?

I know it is all easier said than done, but it is both yours and kittens day. If only families weren't so awkward and difficult..!

Originally Posted by Ed

It was so damn stressful, my lot made such a song and dance, in the end I told them that they had two welcomes, they were welcome to come and behave, or they were welcome to stay away.

Yes OK they're divorced but it's your day - can't they put your feelings above theirs for a just few hours?

I fully agree with this even if theres no issue of divoce!

Its your day to enjoy not theirs to mess up with their feelings

Good luck for the wedding - i know a long time off

If all else fails do it in secret and then tell them - not ideal but it save you alot of grieve on the day!