Remembering the Dead

This led me to think about the way that we think about life and death, when I go to the Cremetoreum, all I can think about is him being ill, dying and his funeral. These are aspects of his life that I don't want to be reminded of, I want to remember his life not his death.
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Tricky, like you say mate, you want to remember his life not his death. no one will ever think of you any less for not going to the crematorium and you shouldn't feel troubled for not going.

everybody deals with the death of someone in their own personal way. heaven is where the heart is. keep those good memories and build on that.

my daughter lost a school friend last year in a car crash and the only way she has been coping is by remebering all the good times they had together.

talking about it helps. like you say, if it hurts to visit the crem/grave, leave it until you feel you can go there with an open mind and heart. if you never visit the place, you have your memories, they are much more precious.

Originally Posted by tricky

I know this sounds completely wet but he still in my memories and my heart.

That's all that matters, no one but no one can take that away from you, and if they ever try too then there no friend of yours

[Supervox]

To me, the plot where my parents ashes are interred is a focal point for rememberance. Yes, of course I remember them & talk to them at other times & in other places too - but when I go there it's a more 'physical' link.

However, we all deal with the loss of loved ones in different ways, so there can be no rights & wrongs or absolutes with regard to this issue.

[northwind]

When we started to clear out my grandad's place it was really hard to deal with... Literally everything was a memory, even some of the rubbish in the garage or the attic. Few things sadder than an empty home...

Originally Posted by tricky

I wouldn't feel guilty about this at all, all of the crematoriums I have ever been to have been pretty grim places. Although your parents ashes are physicaly there, they themselves are not.

OK, some of my "guilt" stems from the day my Mum died. She was in hospital and my wife and I (weren't married then) planned to see her in the morning. We put it off, went shopping and decided to go in the afternoon. She died at lunchtime. If I'm honest I'd say that I put it off because I hate hospitals. Mum had been quite ill from the time I was 8, so she was in hospital quite often.

As for my Dad, he loved steam trains, and worked as a volunteer at the Bluebell Railway. After his death the railway put on a special coach for the family and his ashes were put into the fire of the train, to be spread at the place he loved most. I like to visit the railway and try to do it about once a year. Although my parents came from a totally different era (they were in their 40's when I was born) I still have some fond memories.

However, they both died from smoking related illnesses and its a fact that we have just 2 smokers in the following 2 generations of the family.

.

Personally I like to go to the Crem to be alone and talk to my wife's parents, mine are not in the area so will talk to them at home. Its a peaceful place and I dont find it depressing.

H

Reading this brings back memories of when my grandad died. Some not so nice members of my family where round his place straight after the wake carving things up for who gets what and when. It always amazes me how people can change over a death or a long serious ilness in the family. Anyway, everyone had been and gutted his gaff. I stood there and saw that they had left the one thing that he treasured most. It was a box of old wood work tools that he had bought or made himself. I suppose that becuase they were not worth anything nobody bothered but I remembered spending hours in his shed watching him make all soughts of models while he occasionally told me stories of the second world war. Knowing they would be dumped I decided to take them with me. I still have them all and whenever I use them I always think about those happy times in the shed.

To me a person is kept alive by the continuing impact they have your life or little things that you do and you remember doing it with them. I personally find it hard to get any feeling from the cemetary as it seems to have little bearing on the person your trying to remember.

I Still find it hard coping with my Mum and Dads bereavement, Still find it hard attending there plots but am glad I do,

I know everyone is different but for me when times are hard and life just seems so messed up, I go the crem and tidy the plots up, take time out, walk about even tidying any bottle and bags into the bin, and when walking home after a couple of hours of thoughts/memories and reminisincing there everything seems so much better and problems seem small in comparison, and feel in myself alot better, kind of therapeutic

Originally Posted by Rog

To me a person is kept alive by the continuing impact they have your life or little things that you do and you remember doing it with them. I personally find it hard to get any feeling from the cemetary as it seems to have little bearing on the person your trying to remember.

I get that feeling with my Gran and Grandad, still have some of her cooking bowls and tools that I use and his tools all battered and worn, but they come out for a clean every now and again,

Sometimes makes we wish I followed his footsteps working with his hands than sitting at a desk

I still feel sad when I think of my gran and grandad. I don't visit the crematorium but I don't need to do that to remember them because they'll always be close to me in my heart. I spent some fantastic time with them when they were alive and know they would be proud of what I've done with my life. They were brilliant people and I'll always remember them