Dealing with death and funerals

Having lost both parents, my direct boss at my old job who was only 38 and fit and well who just had a fatal heart attack one day at work.

Anyway Maria, my way I have found to handle grief is to still talk about the people I've lost as though they are still around in a way.

Some people don't talk about loved ones once passed, but it really does help, I still take the p1ss out my mom who died in 2002, she done or said some funny stuff which we remember and laugh about.

On a more positive note, my dad died in 1978, I found out on Thursday that he used to ride bikes, never heard that mentioned before but my sis was talking to my cousin who used to be really close to my dad and he told her, he's 70 now himself

Sorry for all your losses you've had and I hope there is a long time before you get any more as already been said, your too young to be having this much grief to deal with.

Originally Posted by missyorkie_chris

I understand this, removing from emotion thing, must be what I'm doing, suppose my brain just switches off and I carry on. I still don't feel 100% but I don't sit and mope, maybe I should.

Switching off from it is what worries me, Im aware I dont "feel" like others do I get angry and I get laughy thats about it. Anything in between is just numbness, I think thats mainly my parents fault thier outlook of "emotion is exposing your weakness and people will exploite you for showing it"
Its caused hurt for those im close to that I seem quite cold at some of the major times when they've needed to see me hurting to find comfort themselves, so all I'd say is sort of what Anna says, dont be afraid to feel what you're feeling and dont be afraid to show it either. Know that you're never doing it wrong you're just doing it your way, the first instance may have hurt you the most as you didnt know really what to expect. Now you're aware of the pain you'll feel so you no longer fear it, you just handle it.
It may have only been whilst watching the birds but you may have felt more pain for your grandad in that few minutes than you did throughout your other grevences. The difference been you now feel the sadness for the loss rather than the pain of losing them.

Originally Posted by missyorkie_chris

I forgot to mention we lost Billy the labrador in August too, first experience of a close pet dying, I probably took that worse than the lot. Gah, don't think it ever gets easier...

Chris got my sympthys when he told me about yorkshires worst guard dog passing away, still makes me chuckle to think that despite how big he was that I'd walked past him without noticing then when I did spot him he just opened his eyes and clearly couldnt care less that this random intruder was in the house.
Miya's only 2 and as morbid as it is it hurts me to my core to think that we've only about a decade with her still, I bloody love my dog - im sure people think its a bit nutty but its a relationship as close to father and child as you can get with out having to change nappies and the thought of losing her has taught me one thing. To enjoy having her here.

Originally Posted by fenjer

In June 2009 my partner left me

Sorry Jen but sounds to me like that was a long time coming, clearly can't have had much respect for you! Not that I'm being insensitive, I know we can't choose who we love but you sound to have had someone who clearly didn't deserve you.

#reciprocated hugs#

Originally Posted by Owenski

Chris got my sympthys when he told me about yorkshires worst guard dog passing away, still makes me chuckle to think that despite how big he was that I'd walked past him without noticing then when I did spot him he just opened his eyes and clearly couldnt care less that this random intruder was in the house.
Miya's only 2 and as morbid as it is it hurts me to my core to think that we've only about a decade with her still, I bloody love my dog - im sure people think its a bit nutty but its a relationship as close to father and child as you can get with out having to change nappies and the thought of losing her has taught me one thing. To enjoy having her here.

Very true. And yeah, Billy was a bit of a useless guard dog but we wouldn't have had him any other way

I agree that dogs become like children. We have always had dogs and I love them to bits and I am always, always devestated when anything happens to any of them.

Hope you are feeling a bit better today Maria xx

Originally Posted by Milky Bar Kid

Hope you are feeling a bit better today Maria xx

I am, unfortunately I have Grandad's funeral tomorrow so I'll be a tad melancholy for the next couple of days again


Thanks for all the well wishes folks, you're a lovely bunch

Sorry you`ve had to go thru so much hun, what an awful time for you. As others have said there`s no right and no wrong way to deal with grief and each individual will deal with it differently. Obv the amount of grief you feel will to some extent be determined by the relationship you had with the deceased and whilst there`s no right or wrong way to grieve everybody who loses someone will go thru whats called the grieving process. This process consists of 5 stages that we will all go thru before reaching the final stage of acceptance.

The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, guilt/depression and acceptance. The theory is that we will all experience these stages of grief but there`s no set time limit for dealing with each stage and there`s also no set criteria for the order in which you encounter each stage. It`s also possible to back track thru the stages you`ve already gone thru but people do finally reach the stage of acceptance (hope that all makes sense)

If you want to read into it more here`s a link http://www.businessballs.com/elisabe...s_of_grief.htm

and also if you feel like a chat just pm me and i`ll give you a call. Sometimes all we need is for somebody to acknowledge that what we`re feeling is normal x

Another quite good link http://grief.com/questions-answers/on-grief-grieving/

[yorkie_chris]

Originally Posted by missyorkie_chris

I forgot to mention we lost Billy the labrador in August too, first experience of a close pet dying, I probably took that worse than the lot. Gah, don't think it ever gets easier...

Burying my Dog was harder than burying my Grandparents. We were close and they were dearly loved too.

The Dog was there for every other death to come and lean on your knee and look up at you and soak up the tears. Brought all those back more than anything.

Funnily enough it still gets me every time I've been for a pint and I step into the hallway and think to myself "don't trip over the Do... oh yeah ".

[dizzyblonde]

I've not been very there this weekend, but I am thinking of you. Oliver etc
You know where my tea is, and theres always a biscuit or three xx

Death ain't the easiest thing to talk about in this world, but theres two people here, that understand quite well.

One thing that I see in Pete is his inner strength, its not every day you lose your dad then have to get married the day after. Sad things are always replaced by things of joy. Until Oliver came along he was the only one left. Maybe I'm just waffling, but you know where we are.

Thinking of you today Maria and sending you loads of good vibes and Q hugs (been told they're good)

Like everyone says there is no wrong or right way. I was in Wales on holiday when my mum died. I cried a bit but two hours later I was whizzing around in a hovercaft covered in mud.
I didn't really cry before the funeral though I couldn't listen to the last song and ended up scotting out before the service was finished. The main time i did cry was at the recieving mass from my friends dads funeral ( which was to be on the same day as my mum's and both if us were gutted). Tracey's dad's flowers were being brought in and that brought it home to me why we were all there.
Just don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or when to grieve. - At my mum's funeral we all got glowered at because there was so much laughing and joking going on - which was how my mum would have wante dit.