Hovis and the AR and grief.

[dizzyblonde]

I've said goodbye in private today. I went to church, lit a candle, Pegasus too. Left a request for a prayer at the next service. That was my private wish.
However I will be at his funeral for the respect of his family, and do what they wish rather than my own wishes.

Spot on post Quiff

Couldn't agree with you more Quiff

[gruntygiggles]

Originally Posted by -Ralph-

Quiff, much respect mate.

I can't agree more that it's a funeral not an org ride-out. I only met Hovis once at the Peaks ride-out and whilst he appeared to be a stand up guy, I didn't spend enough time with him to form a friendship, therefore please excuse the fact that I'm not going to attend the funeral. It's only because I don't think it's appropriate.

There are those on the forum who have suffered the loss of a good friend, there are others who want to go and pay respects to a man who they've known for a while, but have only really met on ride-outs, and then there are guys like me who have met him, but didn't really know him at all, and lots of other people in between.

I prefer to leave those who have suffered a loss alone to grieve in peace on the day of his funeral. A persons tragic death is not a bandwagon to be jumped on. I'm not suggesting anybody has because I don't know how well everybody else knew him, just explaining how I feel about it and explaining why other than an RIP and one memory from the peaks, I've stayed out of the threads, facebook groups, avatar & signature changing, etc. It's only because I feel it's not my place.

And I echo your sentiment. Hovis was a massive character on here, so whether people met him or knew him well or not, a loss is being felt.

The only one thing I will say as I have had a few PM's from people feeling weird at being so upset when they never met Dave is this:-

We spend our time on different forums, internet sites and at different social events all the time. On here, many many people that chatted with Hovis, but never met him will be feeling this loss and I would not want those people to feel that their emotions are misplaced. It is a massive shock and his presence will be missed.

Not saying that anyone has jumped on the bandwagon and not disagreeing with Ralph, as well all know people that like to get involved just for the sake of it and that is a general comment...not directed or related to this forum or its members.

The funeral is a time for family and friends to pay repsects, anyone that wants to do that is welcome to on the wishes of Hovis' mum. What I would say is, if you want to go, go. Don't stop yourself because you feel it might be wrong to be there for any reason.
On the other hand, if you knew Hovis well and don't want to go....don't. Grief, at any level is personal and so I guess what I am saying is that we should all do what we need to do to make things easier on ourselves and support the ones around us.

Originally Posted by gruntygiggles

What I would say is, if you want to go, go. Don't stop yourself because you feel it might be wrong to be there for any reason.

Absolutely, I wouldn't want to put anyone else off going, just because I don't feel it appropriate for me to do so. All I was saying about the bandwagon, was that I didn't want to be guilty of jumping on one.

Paying respects is a perfectly valid reason to go to a funeral. I don't think I've ever been to a funeral where I didn't think "who are all those people standing at the back?". At my Gran's funeral recently I had old ladies introducing themselves saying they worked with her 50 years ago and had read of her death in the newspaper announcements, and I was touched that they taken the time out of their day to be there. In fact family are usually pleased to see the number of people who turn up. Trouble is though, and I think the root of Quiff's concern, is that a lot of people arriving in a single group may risk "taking over".

Anyway, I'm not going to post any more because this really is nothing to do with me. I only posted to show how much respect I hold for Quiff for having the guts to start this thread, and explain why as a forum member for 3 years, who has spent a weekend away with Hovis recently, I wasn't going to go myself.

Quiff, respect, 'nuff said

Firstly, Quiff, spot on post mate. As everyone else has said from what I can see.

Originally Posted by -Ralph-

I prefer to leave those who have suffered a loss alone to grieve in peace on the day of his funeral. A persons tragic death is not a bandwagon to be jumped on. I'm not suggesting anybody has because I don't know how well everybody else knew him, just explaining how I feel about it and explaining why other than an RIP and one memory from the peaks, I've stayed out of the threads, facebook groups, avatar & signature changing, etc. It's only because I feel it's not my place.

Pretty much my sentiments on the whole subject.

I only met Hovis a small number of times, but talked to him a fair amount via this site - usually exchanging PMs whilst we were both winding people up. So whilst I can't say I knew him, I did get on with him well.

As some will of read recently, Hovis' passing has actually made me glad I'd sold my bike. It's made me re-evaluate what I was doing, and frankly, recently, I'd been taking stupid risks on the bike. If I hadn't sold the bike before the news of Hovis' passing, I'm confident it would of gone subsequently. There's more important things to consider than my enjoyment on two wheels right now.

The above said, if (and only if) the family decide to extend an invitation to all .Orger's for the funeral - I'll be making an effort to get there. I'll also make every effort to get there by bike - but I feel it would only be fitting to turn up on an SV (unless the family extend the invitation but stipulate no bikes). Luckily, I still have the use of one. At this stage, I can't make any promises as to attendance, but then, I've not seen it written that that's the family's wishes. All I've seen is that his mum wants a bikers funeral.

So for now, I'll just sit back & wait for details to come out.

[mattSV]

Quiffster - rispek for the post

I too have wondered if Hovis was becoming the Lady Di of the org - not sure that he would have wanted that

Quiff, I have given this much thought I too do not wish to give offence. Thanks for making these very valid comments. I have to admit I am/was getting concerned.

Funerals are for the living not the dead, what Dave would or would not have wanted is only of secondary concern. As a group we must do nothing to upset Mrs F or the immediate family.

I visited Mrs F on Sunday, just 24 hours after the event. I went because I felt it was the right thing to do personally, not as the Orgs representative. I did pass on that there are many people on the org that thought highly of Dave and that if there were anything I or we could do then all she need do is ask. Mrs F brought up the subject of the type of funeral (I was avoiding it) and it was she that suggested bikers in all the kit and bikes attend.

I really think we should allow Mr F the opportunity to recant her decision on a Bikers funeral.

We need to keep in mind a funeral albeit a Biker funeral is not a rideout.

Many of Hovis' close friends will be meeting tommorrow, I am sure this will be discussed then, face to face, where nuances that do not transmit over the web will be understood.

[Luckypants]

Originally Posted by Mogs

I really think we should allow Mr F the opportunity to recant her decision on a Bikers funeral.

Very good point Kevin.

I second the point this should not have a rideout ethos, even if we do ride there in groups. I find it very hard to articulate that we need to behave 'properly' to respect the family's grief, so I'm glad others more eloquent than I are able to do it.