The age difference thread.

[Spiderman]

I'll have a medal if were giving them away. Can i have one that says "Super fab dude" please :)

[Kinvig]

I'll have a medal if were giving them away. Can i have one that says "Super fab dude" please :)


Off topic people!!!!!

Take this "medal chat" to the mega thread! ;o)

[plowsie]

I'll have a medal if were giving them away. Can i have one that says "Super fab dude" please :)
You sir, can have a shield...:rolleyes:

[Bluewolf]

You'll need to explain why.

Equality of the sexes n'all that

Sexual equality indeed. I'm every bit as uncomfortable with the idea of an 18 year old woman being with a 14 year old boy as the other way around. It's the law no matter what sex you are.

None of this "women mature quicker than men" blarney either. Men don't mature... well... ever... ;) :lol:

[Paws]

Do you require a medal? ;)



Do you have to be so sarky and immature? maybe i was making it clearer for you like you asked in previous posts :roll:

[Spiderman]

You sir, can have a shield...:rolleyes:

Excellent. Just not one like Cap'n America's please, its so gay.

[plowsie]

Do you have to be so sarky and immature? maybe i was making it clearer for you like you asked in previous posts :roll:
I never asked for you to make anything any clearer, I re-itterated what you said. There's no need to get so up tight...(note: ;) in post)

;)

[Spiderman]

Now, now. I tried to inject some sillyness to cool this down. But i think its time to kiss and make up now. I'll kiss Paws, Plowsie - you get Hovis i guess :lol:

[stewie]

Only if they're having a sexual relationship or as SK earlier stated sharing images via phone...i digress.
In the earlier thread that i mentioned, people were mounting their moral high horse and giving him a public flaming for something they know bugger all about, his/her relationship status.
It's not meant to be turned into a witch hunt/slagging off members thread, but a general discussion into peoples thoughts on age gaps within relationships.

There does seem to be a trend emerging of people who have daughters having a slight "draconian" outlook on their own parental views to their sibling entering into a relationship.
I'm fortunate/unfortunate enough to have 2 boys, who as and when they start to get into the realms of g/f territory i'll give them the usual advice that any father would.
Would i be a possesive father if i'd had a daughter, damn right i would be, nobody would ever be good enough.

Quite a diverse response from people on here which does make for some interesting reading.
Do you mean me by any chance ? no probs if you do Cuffy ;) a far as Im concerned, I would be very worried if my 14 yr old daughter was going out with an 18 yr old lad, as a parent you cant help but be worried, no matter how decent the lad may be or how long you may have known him for, but this thread was started to look at the difference in ages of partners and seems to be drifting off in another direction.

[Kinvig]

Sexual equality indeed. I'm every bit as uncomfortable with the idea of an 18 year old woman being with a 14 year old boy as the other way around. It's the law no matter what sex you are.

None of this "women mature quicker than men" blarney either. Men don't mature... well... ever... ;) :lol:

oops - bad eyesight! I misread your earlier Yep for a Nope.

[cuffy]

Do you mean me by any chance ? no probs if you do Cuffy ;) a far as Im concerned, I would be very worried if my 14 yr old daughter was going out with an 18 yr old lad, as a parent you cant help but be worried, no matter how decent the lad may be or how long you may have known him for, but this thread was started to look at the difference in ages of partners and seems to be drifting off in another direction.
Not just you Stew, like i said i'm fortunate to have boys, but i know for a fact i'd be the architypical (sp) Edwardian parent if i were to have had a girl.
Yes it has gone slightly off topic, but i knew it'd be a slightly controversial thread.

http://radhikageorge.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/can_of_worms.jpg

[SoulKiss]

Edwardian parent if i were to have had a girl.


Edwardian?

I'd go Medieval :)

http://www.nairaland.com/attachments/117323_FEMALE_CHASTITY_BELT_jpge0c4e3755c80cc379d7 a5eb922979ad7

[ThEGr33k]

Im not bothered as long as they are both 16+ but preferably the younger be at least 17. I think at 16 they havnt the life exp.

Anything younger is illegal but that isnt the only reason I say thats the limit. They are too young... simple as that.

[Owenski]

When I met the misses she was 29 and I was 21. The age difference was a massive problem for her as shes a teacher and the thought that 3years previous I was still in high school. But we got over that, although it has raised a few eye brows. Now 32 and 24 years old we're quite happy.
But back to the OP point of 18-14 thats just wrong, 14 is a child, mentally and physically, they hold hands and giggle. 18 is an adult, they get hammered and chuck up, have 1 night stands and then get mocked by mates.

Here is a thing you can all check, it works what ever your age but the rule of dating is:
Take your age and divide by 2 + 7 = youngest age.
eg
Your 18. therefore
18/2=9
9+7+16 so 18 can only date as young as 16.

I think its brilliant little rule that.

[Bluewolf]

.

[chasey]

How are so many guys 'bagging' older women?!

I must be doing something wrong :D

[hovis]

Now, now. I tried to inject some sillyness to cool this down. But i think its time to kiss and make up now. I'll kiss Paws, Plowsie - you get Hovis i guess :lol:

hmmmmmmmm but what about the age gap?

[-X

[plowsie]

How are so many guys 'bagging' older women?!

I must be doing something wrong :D
You gotta be good at the hokey cokey, the cha cha, saturday night and all that ;)

[Bluewolf]

.

[GeneticBubble]

Here is a thing you can all check, it works what ever your age but the rule of dating is:
Take your age and divide by 2 + 7 = youngest age.
eg
Your 18. therefore
18/2=9
9+7+16 so 18 can only date as young as 16.

I think its brilliant little rule that.


what about though is your an 8 year old? can you only date as young as 11? :-s lol, but sillyness aside it is a pretty good rule to follow

[Paws]

But back to the OP point of 18-14 thats just wrong, 14 is a child, mentally and physically, they hold hands and giggle. 18 is an adult, they get hammered and chuck up, have 1 night stands and then get mocked by mates.
.

Ah but ive highlighted the physically there for a reason as tbh not many 14 year olds LOOK 14 now!
I know my cousin doesnt, in fact i had to take down some of my photos of me and her on my facebook as guys kept asking who my "hot mate" was :smt018 , once shes got makeup on etc she could pass for at least 16-17 easily as -how shall i word this-she doesnt have a childs figure.:neutral:
(And yes her babys "dad" knew how old she was as he was at school with her so he cant use the excuse that she told him she was older than she was)

[Owenski]

lol yeah below 14 it doesnt really work :D

[Owenski]

very good point paws, some do doll up but thats where common sense is meant to provale. For instance she could look 30 but as soon as the words come out that her age is sub 16 then a bloke needs to know to put it back in his pants cos its enterly wrong.

[ThEGr33k]

Ah but ive highlighted the physically there for a reason as tbh not many 14 year olds LOOK 14 now!
I know my cousin doesnt, in fact i had to take down some of my photos of me and her on my facebook as guys kept asking who my "hot mate" was :smt018 , once shes got makeup on etc she could pass for at least 16-17 easily as -how shall i word this-she doesnt have a childs figure.:neutral:
(And yes her babys "dad" knew how old she was as he was at school with her so he cant use the excuse that she told him she was older than she was)


Indeed that is the problem. You go out and pull someone you presume is 18 cos they are drinking and they turn out to be younger than 16... not good.

Or more common you'll just spot lasses walking about that dress like tarts to put it simply and you simply cant tell.

Im a good example that looking a different age is easy, granted mine is the other direction... im 23 but look 18, if that. :(

[ThEGr33k]

very good point paws, some do doll up but thats where common sense is meant to provale. For instance she could look 30 but as soon as the words come out that her age is sub 16 then a bloke needs to know to put it back in his pants cos its enterly wrong.


Go to all that trouble or looking older then mention their propper age!? Common man. :mad:

[hovis]

Im a good example that looking a different age is easy, granted mine is the other direction... im 23 but look 12, if that. :(

fixed for you;)

[chasey]

... im 23 but look 12, if that. :(


Corrected :p

[chasey]

Beaten to it by the breadman :(

[punyXpress]

what about though is your an 8 year old? can you only date as young as 11? :-s lol, but sillyness aside it is a pretty good rule to follow

It is when you're over 60 !

[Owenski]

Go to all that trouble or looking older then mention their propper age!? Common man. :mad:

Sorry Greek I come from Batley, if a bird looks less than 20 its advised you ask their age. They'll prob be 12. As you are by breadmans corrections lol

[Sally]

I couldn't go out with a 14 y/o..

honestly, how mature can she be?
Physically shes a child and mentally..

I my age gap for girls is plus/minus 1 year on my age.
Unless a older woman comes along...
My sisters friends are 15/16, and I am nearly 18.
I couldn't hack going out with one, theyre just not gf material.
Theyre not children physically, but still morally wrong.
I have a severe pasion of hate for the guys my age and older, who take younger girls(>16) out on their cars and emm.. etc

Honestly, how the hell does a 14 y/o meet a 18 y/o?

Only been with a underager when I was underage, we were the same age.
Is that frowned upon?

[ophic]

Sorry Greek I come from Batley, if a bird looks less than 20 its advised you ask their age. They'll prob be 12. As you are by breadmans corrections lol
I'm in Batley too. If a bird looks at me, I try to look in the other direction...

Batley/Dewsbury is (are?) the teenage pregnancy capital of the UK. This was the case before I moved here... honest guv... :roll:

[SoulKiss]

Only been with a underager when I was underage, we were the same age.
Is that frowned upon?

Thats just kids messing around (although they should still know better you naughty boy :p)

Its silly, we are saying that the following is ok

Person 1: 15 years, 0 months, 1 day
Person 2: 15 years, 11 months, 31 days

yet for the same people, 2 days later it is not.

Shows how silly the rules/law is at times, but they are STILL the rules/laws.

[dizzyblonde]

As a parent, if my son brought a 14 yr old home at 18...I'd give him a slap round the earhole, even if he was taller than me:smt091
IF I had a daughter, she'd be under lock and key if she was 14 and looking to go out with 18 yr olds:smt027.

However as an adult type, I think its rather cool for me to have a toyboy:smt112

[Jamiebridges123]

Paws, I don't really have taken offense to you..more rather to just some of the people. I just think that it's not really anyones buisness...

But uhhm, who has the right to talk about whether YOU think it's "ok"...

We're very happy together, no-one here knows the circumstances.. what we do is frankly none of anyone's business but our own. She's very mature about the whole "sexual" thing and neither of us even want to have children, so there's not even a worry about this..we don't even do that, I'm still happily a virgin, I'm in no rush.. And you think she's immature? Neither of us want to do things like that, because as a couple we're not ready.. we've been together nearly a year now (our anniversary is in August) and I don't ever plan to have to live a day without her..

We're both happy together and and that's what matters, no?

Call it illegal, but I'll tell you politely to **** off and go annoy someone else..

She looks and acts like she's my age, she's very loving and is always there for me when I need her.. she isn't a "hoe" and she doesn't "send naughty pics" or anything of that sort....

You don't know about her, you have NO IDEA what she's been through in the past, you couldn't even begin to imagine...it's not even like we MEANT to fall in love, it just happened over the course of a few months, and here we are, completely in love with each other nearly a year down the line......

Why does EVERYONE automatically assume we're having sexual relations? Or sending silly photographs of each other?... Or doing "silly" things... I mean, is it just because of our ages? Do you assume all teenage girls are hookers and all guys my age are just out for sex? Perhaps we're not all like you may used to have been..

She wouldn't tell me her age, at first.. I'd been in a relationship with her for about 6 months before she told me, because, just like you lot, she was very worried about it.. she basically broke down infront of me just because even she thought I was going to leave her.. and of course I didn't, because age is just a number.


If me dating a 14y/o (She's 15 in November, but yeah), is so wrong, just because some government law prohibits sexual intercourse (doesn't say you can't kiss or caress..) when one member is under 16, it's just as bad to be a 18 year old dating a 36 year old? That's even worse, in my opinion..

But as such, who gives a crap about my opinion, because it may just so happen that 18 and that 36 year old are as happy as you can possibly imagine together, can't you just take your noses and get out of peoples business without making sweeping statements, crude generalisations and generally talking a load of ******** about things you simply cannot understand.

Frankly, this thread (more rather some of the comments) has sickened me ,and frankly, upset me quite a bit.. I thought this was a nicer place than this..

[husky03]

jamie your the one who asked-

I'm 18, she's 14? Is that so bad?

don't ask a question mate if your gonna be offended/upset at the reply just because you don't like what you hear.

[Jamiebridges123]

When I asked the question, did I mean for basically half the forum to pick it apart in a 14 page thread that popped up in half a day....making assumptions and generally getting involved in something that doesn't matter to them, neither would they understand.

I honestly don't care what anyone thinks, because at the end of the day, we're both very very very happy together, we both need eachother, and if anyone has any problems with that, then IDC, frankly.

I'm not going to try and make it "sound" ok, I know it sounds "wrong", but it's not "wrong", so why should anyone care? :|

I'm done posting in this thread, not going to argue with people about something they have no business in..

[Sally]

I think you were just prodding us for a reaction.
You're post had nothing to do with the topic in question, and even mentioned she was 14 you'reself, and posed the org with a question, where we have responded with our opinions and life experiences.
No one asked, if you can't handle peoples opinions, don't ask for the question.

Half of us, myself included didn't even know who we were discussing.
It was more a discussion of the idea of a 14 y/o and a 18 y/o which was started here, not a discussion if we viewed you and you're 14 y/o gf to be bad.

[BanditPat]

Paws, I don't really have taken offense to you..more rather to just some of the people. I just think that it's not really anyones buisness...

But uhhm, who has the right to talk about whether YOU think it's "ok"...

We're very happy together, no-one here knows the circumstances.. what we do is frankly none of anyone's business but our own. She's very mature about the whole "sexual" thing and neither of us even want to have children, so there's not even a worry about this..we don't even do that, I'm still happily a virgin, I'm in no rush.. And you think she's immature? Neither of us want to do things like that, because as a couple we're not ready.. we've been together nearly a year now (our anniversary is in August) and I don't ever plan to have to live a day without her..

We're both happy together and and that's what matters, no?

Call it illegal, but I'll tell you politely to **** off and go annoy someone else..

She looks and acts like she's my age, she's very loving and is always there for me when I need her.. she isn't a "hoe" and she doesn't "send naughty pics" or anything of that sort....

You don't know about her, you have NO IDEA what she's been through in the past, you couldn't even begin to imagine...it's not even like we MEANT to fall in love, it just happened over the course of a few months, and here we are, completely in love with each other nearly a year down the line......

Why does EVERYONE automatically assume we're having sexual relations? Or sending silly photographs of each other?... Or doing "silly" things... I mean, is it just because of our ages? Do you assume all teenage girls are hookers and all guys my age are just out for sex? Perhaps we're not all like you may used to have been..

She wouldn't tell me her age, at first.. I'd been in a relationship with her for about 6 months before she told me, because, just like you lot, she was very worried about it.. she basically broke down infront of me just because even she thought I was going to leave her.. and of course I didn't, because age is just a number.


If me dating a 14y/o (She's 15 in November, but yeah), is so wrong, just because some government law prohibits sexual intercourse (doesn't say you can't kiss or caress..) when one member is under 16, it's just as bad to be a 18 year old dating a 36 year old? That's even worse, in my opinion..

But as such, who gives a crap about my opinion, because it may just so happen that 18 and that 36 year old are as happy as you can possibly imagine together, can't you just take your noses and get out of peoples business without making sweeping statements, crude generalisations and generally talking a load of ******** about things you simply cannot understand.

Frankly, this thread (more rather some of the comments) has sickened me ,and frankly, upset me quite a bit.. I thought this was a nicer place than this..



I think that as long as your both happy and know what your doing then really, why is it any one elses business? Do what makes you happy mate and just ignore any one that thinks its 'wrong'

[husky03]

the joys of a public forum -if you don't want people commenting why post it then-its your business but when you post it on the internet for all and sundry to read hell mend you for what comes your way-not being nasty jamie but you can maybe learn from this.

[wizurd]

Ultimately it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

[Spiderman]

Jamie..... in afirness to most of the posts on this thread they were NOT aimed at you in particular, even tho you kinda raised the subject yourself. A number of peeps made it clear they were not aiming their comments at you and it was a hypothetical discussion based on your circumstances.

So chill winston, its nothing to get wound up over.

TBH with you i coulnd't care less if you uys were having sex now or in 5 yrs time, neither of you are my kids and i hope you both have parents who give a damn about you and look out for your welfare. As i said previously, if this girls parents thought of you as a predator who ws only interested in this girl for all the wrong reasons i'm sure they would have tried to put an end to it.
After all we all hear of much worse cases in the press, 15yr olds who run off to other countries to marry 50+yr old guys and whatnot.

However, as other say - learn from this. If you dont want the Org to disect parts of your life that you may not be pleased for them to do...then dont post about these things ;)

[the white rabbit]

if you don't want people commenting why post it then-its your business but when you post it on the internet for all and sundry to read hell mend you for what comes your way

Exactly.

Anyway look on the bright side, could be worse, she could be your sister.

:smt018


Thinking about it, she isn't your sister is she? :shock:


8-[

[kitkat]

Age difference is more relevant the younger the people (IMO). Im 12 years older than Dirty Dog - at 42 and 30 respectively - no issue (especially as he looks older than his age). when he was 18 I would have been 30 (bit iffy). when I started working he was starting school (really really really bad).


have not read all the posts on this thread and dont know what started it, just popping my 2 pence in - because I can lol

[fizzwheel]

, can't you just take your noses and get out of peoples business without making sweeping statements, crude generalisations and generally talking a load of ******** about things you simply cannot understand.

Heres a tip for the future. Dont post personal / private details on a public forum if you dont want people to comment on your life situation.

Engaging ones brain before pressing the submit button might have avoided you now feeling like you do...

[GeneticBubble]

especially as he looks older than his age


don't let him read that :rolleyes:

[the white rabbit]

feeling like you do...

He doesn't feel her, he said so and I for one believe him.

[yorkie_chris]

it's just as bad to be a 18 year old dating a 36 year old? That's even worse, in my opinion..

without making sweeping statements, crude generalisations and generally talking a load of ******** about things you simply cannot understand.

Frankly, this thread (more rather some of the comments) has sickened me ,and frankly, upset me quite a bit.. I thought this was a nicer place than this..

1. A friend of mine is currently with a recently divorced 36-yr old lady. From the sounds of things he's rather enjoying himself ;-). And there is no risk of him ending up on a list.

2. Sweeping statements are a very efficient way of offending whole swathes of the population in easily manageable chunks.

3. Awww bless.

Don't hang your dirty washing in public, I think "Hoist by your own petard" is a relevant comment :-D


Anyway look on the bright side, could be worse, she could be your sister.
He's not from Lancashire,.

[Dan]

I think it's a sad indictment of our modern society that so many people are talking about 14/15/16 year olds being in any circumstances, mature, and that the discussion accepts that it is 'normal' for children (as that is what they are) being in 'relationships' at that age.

Maybe I'm old before my time, but when I was 14 I wouldn't have been mentally, or physically, ready for anything of the kind.

I find it difficult to understand why/how so many parents allow their children even to begin thinking about 'girlfriends' and 'boyfriends' and 'relationships' at the ages so many of them seem to.

As to the original question, age gaps are fine - my wife is six years younger than me - but when the age gap crosses the boundary of legal sexual maturity, then the situation becomes illegal. It doesn't matter a jot whether either party is 'mature for their age'.

For Jamie-numbers - you asked a question, you got an answer (or answers). As Fizz said above, engaging brain before mouse-pointer is a skill you need to master - and one you will learn with age (incidentally, you might also consider whether your post is entirely necessary, before making it). Your naive admission of, and subsequent posts concerning, your 'relationship' with a child, in my opinion bely your lack of maturity - and it is this lack of maturity which my post concerns. Maybe everything will work out rosy between you and your young girlfriend, but I sincerely doubt, and cannot bring myself to believe, that anyone of your or her age really knows what love means.

[Tara]

Age difference is more relevant the younger the people (IMO). Im 12 years older than Dirty Dog - at 42 and 30 respectively - no issue (especially as he looks older than his age). when he was 18 I would have been 30 (bit iffy). when I started working he was starting school (really really really bad).


ditto my situation that including falc looking older than me ;)

[Biker Biggles]

Paws, I don't really have taken offense to you..more rather to just some of the people. I just think that it's not really anyones buisness...

But uhhm, who has the right to talk about whether YOU think it's "ok"...

We're very happy together, no-one here knows the circumstances.. what we do is frankly none of anyone's business but our own. She's very mature about the whole "sexual" thing and neither of us even want to have children, so there's not even a worry about this..we don't even do that, I'm still happily a virgin, I'm in no rush.. And you think she's immature? Neither of us want to do things like that, because as a couple we're not ready.. we've been together nearly a year now (our anniversary is in August) and I don't ever plan to have to live a day without her..

We're both happy together and and that's what matters, no?

Call it illegal, but I'll tell you politely to **** off and go annoy someone else..

She looks and acts like she's my age, she's very loving and is always there for me when I need her.. she isn't a "hoe" and she doesn't "send naughty pics" or anything of that sort....

You don't know about her, you have NO IDEA what she's been through in the past, you couldn't even begin to imagine...it's not even like we MEANT to fall in love, it just happened over the course of a few months, and here we are, completely in love with each other nearly a year down the line......

Why does EVERYONE automatically assume we're having sexual relations? Or sending silly photographs of each other?... Or doing "silly" things... I mean, is it just because of our ages? Do you assume all teenage girls are hookers and all guys my age are just out for sex? Perhaps we're not all like you may used to have been..

She wouldn't tell me her age, at first.. I'd been in a relationship with her for about 6 months before she told me, because, just like you lot, she was very worried about it.. she basically broke down infront of me just because even she thought I was going to leave her.. and of course I didn't, because age is just a number.


If me dating a 14y/o (She's 15 in November, but yeah), is so wrong, just because some government law prohibits sexual intercourse (doesn't say you can't kiss or caress..) when one member is under 16, it's just as bad to be a 18 year old dating a 36 year old? That's even worse, in my opinion..

But as such, who gives a crap about my opinion, because it may just so happen that 18 and that 36 year old are as happy as you can possibly imagine together, can't you just take your noses and get out of peoples business without making sweeping statements, crude generalisations and generally talking a load of ******** about things you simply cannot understand.

Frankly, this thread (more rather some of the comments) has sickened me ,and frankly, upset me quite a bit.. I thought this was a nicer place than this..

You do post some carp sometimes,;)but I find myself agreeing with you on this one.You are doing the right thing and well done for standing up for yourself.:)

[Jabba]

What an interesting thread - good on yer, orgers :thumbsup:

I know what I was like at that age - sure glad I don't have daughters :lol:

Only been with a underager when I was underage, we were the same age.

Same here, generally, but I suspect things were different back then (yeah, yeah.... just after the war :p) on the physical front where the height of a young chap's expecations (not hopes ;-)) were "upstairs outsidies" :-)

I'm also thinking back to the thread (last week, I think) about the age when you first "did it". Quite a few peeps put "14" or thereabouts. How many of those folks are saying in this thread that 14 is too young?

[yorkie_chris]

Somebody who did say 14 has more right than most to say "14 is too young!"

[Jabba]

Somebody who did say 14 has more right than most to say "14 is too young!"

Yup...... couldn't agree more.

[Jabba]

He's not from Lancashire,.

Oi!!

[Jabba]

ditto my situation that including falc looking older than me ;)

:-#

[dirtydog]

Age difference is more relevant the younger the people (IMO). Im 12 years older than Dirty Dog - at 42 and 30 respectively - no issue (especially as he looks older than his age). when he was 18 I would have been 30 (bit iffy). when I started working he was starting school (really really really bad).


don't let him read that :rolleyes:

Too late

ditto my situation that including falc looking older than me ;)

Cheeky buggers the pair of you.

As for the 14/18yo thing it depends completely on the couple

[yorkie_chris]

Not just you Stew, like i said i'm fortunate to have boys, but i know for a fact i'd be the architypical (sp) Edwardian parent if i were to have had a girl.

The ones kept locked up at home turn out the filthiest!

[Paws]

I think you were just prodding us for a reaction.
You're post had nothing to do with the topic in question, and even mentioned she was 14 you'reself, and posed the org with a question, where we have responded with our opinions and life experiences.
No one asked, if you can't handle peoples opinions, don't ask for the question.

Half of us, myself included didn't even know who we were discussing.
It was more a discussion of the idea of a 14 y/o and a 18 y/o which was started here, not a discussion if we viewed you and you're 14 y/o gf to be bad.

+1 , was there any NEED for him to mention the gfs age? nope, couldve just said "My gf......." :smt064
Personally i think this has been a well balanced thread so far, no mud slinging and some good points of view :cool:

[stewie]

From the way the question was phrased I would personally have thought that it was a question he wasn't really expecting an answer on, never mind an 150 replies
Yeah but thats not what the thread was about in fairness, it was about the different ages of partners compared to each other and it seems to have been hijacked.

[SoulKiss]

It was yourself who put the information up there.

There was a real effort made to not name anyone, and to make this thread more of a hypothetical question.

However as you raised a few points, its only fair to respond to them.

Everyone has the right to evaluate situations that occur to them. In this case its mostly people disagreeing with you, but that doesn't make them wrong to do that.

Whatever you and your girlfriend get up to is ok, but come on, you are 18 and "happy to be a virgin" - yeah right, I don't know ANY 18 yo bloke that would fit that category, its not how 18 yo blokes are programmed by nature..... girls of the same age too.

As for the law saying you cant kiss or caress - well as if you do that to someone without their consent it is classed as Sexual Assault, so they are Sex Acts. 16 is not referred to as the Age of Consent for nothing - what it means is that LEGALLY she cannot consent to you touching her in that way, as in the eyes of the law she is not old enough to make an informed decision.

Now I am not saying that, its the law that says that.

Major supposition on my part, but based on what you have said, it seems that you have helped her through a rough time, and its from that the relationship grew.

Well done on helping her and supporting her, but really once you discovered that she was 13 when you first started going out with her you should have stepped away.

As for you transposing the ages to an 18yo and a 36yo well thats rubbish, as both are CONSENTING adults at that age.

As for your opinon about how we really cant understand, heres a suggestion.

Print this thread off, put it in an envelope and stash it somewhere until you have a 13 year old daughter.

Then, when you are starting to worry about what she is getting up to with the boys she is hanging out with, read it back and re-assure yourself.

You ask us to accept that you are mature and are doing nothing wrong, but your post reads as a kid defending himself while knowing deep down that he's in the wrong, why else would you be so defensive.

[Bluefish]

Yeah but thats not what the thread was about in fairness, it was about the different ages of partners compared to each other and it seems to have been hijacked.

+1

[fizzwheel]

Time to get back to the hypothetical stuff, rather than concentrating on the personal situation of one particular forum user I think.

[Bluefish]

It was yourself who put the information up there.

There was a real effort made to not name anyone, and to make this thread more of a hypothetical question.

However as you raised a few points, its only fair to respond to them.

Everyone has the right to evaluate situations that occur to them. In this case its mostly people disagreeing with you, but that doesn't make them wrong to do that.

Whatever you and your girlfriend get up to is ok, but come on, you are 18 and "happy to be a virgin" - yeah right, I don't know ANY 18 yo bloke that would fit that category, its not how 18 yo blokes are programmed by nature..... girls of the same age too.

As for the law saying you cant kiss or caress - well as if you do that to someone without their consent it is classed as Sexual Assault, so they are Sex Acts. 16 is not referred to as the Age of Consent for nothing - what it means is that LEGALLY she cannot consent to you touching her in that way, as in the eyes of the law she is not old enough to make an informed decision.

Now I am not saying that, its the law that says that.

Major supposition on my part, but based on what you have said, it seems that you have helped her through a rough time, and its from that the relationship grew.

Well done on helping her and supporting her, but really once you discovered that she was 13 when you first started going out with her you should have stepped away.

As for you transposing the ages to an 18yo and a 36yo well thats rubbish, as both are CONSENTING adults at that age.

As for your opinon about how we really cant understand, heres a suggestion.

Print this thread off, put it in an envelope and stash it somewhere until you have a 13 year old daughter.

Then, when you are starting to worry about what she is getting up to with the boys she is hanging out with, read it back and re-assure yourself.

You ask us to accept that you are mature and are doing nothing wrong, but your post reads as a kid defending himself while knowing deep down that he's in the wrong, why else would you be so defensive.

excellant post there sk, good advice re print post .:smt038

[Sean_C]

Couple of points to raise with Dan's post:
Firstly, at whatever age you first start having girlfriends/boyfriends, it has nothing to do with parents. I dare say most kids are too embarrassed. My dad certainly took the pi$$. Though if he found out I was with somebody considerably older I'm sure he would've stopped it.
Secondly, at 18 its entirely possible to know what love is, it comes down to maturity again. Probably not at 14 though- true love is made up of so many things, I wouldn't have thought a 14 would be emotionally aware or sexually developed to know/ feel it.

[hovis]

at the end of the day a 18 year old man should not be going out with a 14 year old child

simples

[Holdup]

If X 18 yr old and X 14 yr old were sh***ing then i would disaprove, but if they both respect each other love each other, are waiting then nothing effectively is illegal, ok maybe when im a Dad i might see it differently but whos to say that X couple wont be married in 10 years time, house, kids, happy lives?

Me at my age (17) i wouldnt go out with any one younger than 16, id would also happily be with some one older but end of the day, thats me, my opinion and my life not any one elses.

(X represents random people, no one on this forum or who they are with)

[Magnum]

Last year my friend who had just turned 16 at the time was going out with a 14 year old girl. The age gap wasnt huge, and she seems mature for her age. They had sex when she was 14.
I dont think any less of him for it. It was their choice, none of my business and i know he didnt take advantage.

And before anyone asks, yes it really was my friend, and not me in a hypothetical situation!

[missyburd]

Who gives a flying fig roll, it's their life. Nothing people say on here is going to change how the people concerned are going to think about their relationship either way (or at least I hope it doesn't).

There are good opinions on here, has been a good read but I think the point being made about age difference has digressed a wee bit. This thread isn't about how closely matched couple should be age-wise but more aimed at what age people get together. Childhood sweethearts, ever heard of those?

I admit I personally don't agree with the whole under 16 malarky but it is not the age difference of four years that's in question here, it's the fact that someone in the couple is under 16 that always bothers people. Actual differences in age are of no consequence nowadays as many young 'uns are wise beyond their years and can easily be mistaken for being older. As long as you're happy... :-)

One of my best mates was 18 when she got together with a 38 yrold, everybody flamed her for it but she was happy and got on with it anyway. The thing that ended that relationship was all his emotional baggage i.e. kids and she'd had enough but she made that decision herself, not because everyone was against it. Yes James didn't need to tell us all the age of his lass and should have expected to get a response but at the end of the day people will always be quick to judge, let them. Justget on with your life and stop worrying wtf other people think/say.

[Holdup]

Last year my friend who had just turned 16 at the time was going out with a 14 year old girl. The age gap wasnt huge, and she seems mature for her age. They had sex when she was 14.
I dont think any less of him for it. It was their choice, none of my business and i know he didnt take advantage.

And before anyone asks, yes it really was my friend, and not me in a hypothetical situation!

My mate was 17 and sleeping with a 15 yr old i didnt agree but i didnt disown him or any thing but i know he's a sl*t so...

[Dan]

Couple of points to raise with Dan's post:
Firstly, at whatever age you first start having girlfriends/boyfriends, it has nothing to do with parents. I dare say most kids are too embarrassed. My dad certainly took the pi$$. Though if he found out I was with somebody considerably older I'm sure he would've stopped it.
Secondly, at 18 its entirely possible to know what love is, it comes down to maturity again. Probably not at 14 though- true love is made up of so many things, I wouldn't have thought a 14 would be emotionally aware or sexually developed to know/ feel it.

Wait until you're over 30 and you'll understand my point of view more, i guarantee.

[davepreston]

mrs giggles is 4 years my junior but as most know i have a mental age of 6 so she's well older than me.
as for the up down age scale i think of it as a widening arc eg when your 16 a year up or down when your 80 25years up or down (yes i think its wrong a 90year old banging a 24year old gold digging) but as the expression goes he without sin cast the first stone it just so happens if its my family they may only pray it a stone i come after them with

[skeetly]

I dont think 16 is that arbitrary.
4 kids here youngest is 16 in a couple of weeks; oldest is 29 and married.
14 is too young to be in any sort of serious relationship IMO.
I think you ought to be out of your teens before deciding to get serious.
That may seem harsh to any here who are under 21 but theres a lot of 'crashing and burning' that goes on after over commiting too young.
People change much more in a year when they are young than when they are older.
I'd be pretty worried if an 18 year old was seeing my daughters when they were 14 and I would do (have done) something about it. They still appear to be speaking to me.
I'm 3 years younger than my missus :)

[Rocket]

My bitch is 18 years younger than I am and I was 40 last month. Lucky cow aint she?

[anna]

This is a very interesting thread and some rather interesting things have been said on here and have dragged out a lot of old annoyances for me.
I´m not saying that every 14 year old is the same, but I do remember having boyfriend´s at that age older then myself. Girls at 14 are mature enough physically to be in a relationship, it is an obvious biological fact. Girls at 14 are able to get pregnant and so are old enough biologically to be in a physical relationship.
The law has been drawn a line at an age and as it is seen by the majority of the population. Remember that the law doesn’t take into account individual cases or how mature one person is or isn’t. This law hasn’t always been in place at this age.
To say that parents should stop their children entertaining the idea of b/f or g/f at that age is just ridiculous. Have you ever been to school??? Most breaks and lunch times are consumed with activities, involving asking boys out for your best friend etc, etc. The most a parent can do is to fully inform their child of protection and keep channels of communication firmly open.
As for the question of love at that age, I actually disagree with some of the things said in this thread, I remember fondly how I felt at that age, and it was love as I know it now and also something much stronger in some ways. I don’t think for one minute that folks out there don’t remember their first love or crush if you want to call it that, and the feelings that, that special time invoked.
I used to get annoyed with people condescendingly telling me that when I “grew up” I would see things differently. What I do see now is that people my age have clearly forgotten what it was to be like at that age and how they felt. No one has the right to belittle what others feel no matter their age.

[Dan]

To say that parents should stop their children entertaining the idea of b/f or g/f at that age is just ridiculous. Have you ever been to school??? Most breaks and lunch times are consumed with activities, involving asking boys out for your best friend etc, etc.

Yes, I have been to school, but at 14 my breaks were sure as hell not like yours.

[Thingus]

As usual i join the party 18 ****ing pages in...

Anyways, i'm 21 (and a half but that ain't no INTEGER!)... i wouldn't expect stick for being with an 18 year old... 16 and 17 just screams child to me, whatever they might say they are :p

My mate's 22 and he kissed a 16 year old (she was out on the town, lied about her age, then told him afterwards) but i won't give him stick for it.

I say as long as it's legal it's fine. Just because my morals or whatever don't allow me to go near girls of that age, doesn't mean i should judge any other mofoka for doing the same thing! :D

[carty]

It was yourself who put the information up there.

There was a real effort made to not name anyone, and to make this thread more of a hypothetical question.

However as you raised a few points, its only fair to respond to them.

Everyone has the right to evaluate situations that occur to them. In this case its mostly people disagreeing with you, but that doesn't make them wrong to do that.

Whatever you and your girlfriend get up to is ok, but come on, you are 18 and "happy to be a virgin" - yeah right, I don't know ANY 18 yo bloke that would fit that category, its not how 18 yo blokes are programmed by nature..... girls of the same age too.

As for the law saying you cant kiss or caress - well as if you do that to someone without their consent it is classed as Sexual Assault, so they are Sex Acts. 16 is not referred to as the Age of Consent for nothing - what it means is that LEGALLY she cannot consent to you touching her in that way, as in the eyes of the law she is not old enough to make an informed decision.

Now I am not saying that, its the law that says that.

Major supposition on my part, but based on what you have said, it seems that you have helped her through a rough time, and its from that the relationship grew.

Well done on helping her and supporting her, but really once you discovered that she was 13 when you first started going out with her you should have stepped away.

As for you transposing the ages to an 18yo and a 36yo well thats rubbish, as both are CONSENTING adults at that age.

As for your opinon about how we really cant understand, heres a suggestion.

Print this thread off, put it in an envelope and stash it somewhere until you have a 13 year old daughter.

Then, when you are starting to worry about what she is getting up to with the boys she is hanging out with, read it back and re-assure yourself.

You ask us to accept that you are mature and are doing nothing wrong, but your post reads as a kid defending himself while knowing deep down that he's in the wrong, why else would you be so defensive.

Excellent post :smt041

[carty]

This is a very interesting thread and some rather interesting things have been said on here and have dragged out a lot of old annoyances for me.
I´m not saying that every 14 year old is the same, but I do remember having boyfriend´s at that age older then myself. Girls at 14 are mature enough physically to be in a relationship, it is an obvious biological fact. Girls at 14 are able to get pregnant and so are old enough biologically to be in a physical relationship.
The law has been drawn a line at an age and as it is seen by the majority of the population. Remember that the law doesn’t take into account individual cases or how mature one person is or isn’t. This law hasn’t always been in place at this age.
To say that parents should stop their children entertaining the idea of b/f or g/f at that age is just ridiculous. Have you ever been to school??? Most breaks and lunch times are consumed with activities, involving asking boys out for your best friend etc, etc. The most a parent can do is to fully inform their child of protection and keep channels of communication firmly open.
As for the question of love at that age, I actually disagree with some of the things said in this thread, I remember fondly how I felt at that age, and it was love as I know it now and also something much stronger in some ways. I don’t think for one minute that folks out there don’t remember their first love or crush if you want to call it that, and the feelings that, that special time invoked.
I used to get annoyed with people condescendingly telling me that when I “grew up” I would see things differently. What I do see now is that people my age have clearly forgotten what it was to be like at that age and how they felt. No one has the right to belittle what others feel no matter their age.

Anna, no offence intended but you sound like a 'hopeless romantic'! :D I don't think there's many that share that enlightened view of youth but everyone's experiences are different I guess :thumbsup:

[arc123]

Always has happened and always will happen. I remember at school when I was 13/14, the 'mature' girls in my year were all seeing lads much older (17 or 18, or even older if I remember correctly......).

I think its much the case of thousands of years of evolution against a few years of legislation. My partner works in child protection law, and we have had many discussions about this.

That may seem harsh to any here who are under 21 but theres a lot of 'crashing and burning' that goes on after over commiting too young.


And if relationships were 'banned' so to speak, until post 21 years, there would be just as much crashing and burning there after. I think that relationships help to develop emotional intelligence, and that development at younger years would be lost if you prevented your kids from engaging in any form of relationship.

Anna - I'm with you on this one.

[FooFighterDen]

Hi peeps, interesting one here.

Myself I'm 30th in a few weeks time and my fella is going to be 49 in August. We don't see any problem at all with the age gap.

Personally under 16 year olds, they should not be dating over 20 IMO. Kinda strikes Pedo for me.

Saying that I have known very mature 15 year olds, more mature than my mates at my age!

Think its very difficult to look in on other peoples lives and judge when all the facts are not fully known too. Forums are lethal. :rolleyes:

I shall keep reading on this one

Denise

[wizurd]

This is a very interesting thread and some rather interesting things have been said on here and have dragged out a lot of old annoyances for me.
I´m not saying that every 14 year old is the same, but I do remember having boyfriend´s at that age older then myself. Girls at 14 are mature enough physically to be in a relationship, it is an obvious biological fact. Girls at 14 are able to get pregnant and so are old enough biologically to be in a physical relationship.
The law has been drawn a line at an age and as it is seen by the majority of the population. Remember that the law doesn’t take into account individual cases or how mature one person is or isn’t. This law hasn’t always been in place at this age.
To say that parents should stop their children entertaining the idea of b/f or g/f at that age is just ridiculous. Have you ever been to school??? Most breaks and lunch times are consumed with activities, involving asking boys out for your best friend etc, etc. The most a parent can do is to fully inform their child of protection and keep channels of communication firmly open.
As for the question of love at that age, I actually disagree with some of the things said in this thread, I remember fondly how I felt at that age, and it was love as I know it now and also something much stronger in some ways. I don’t think for one minute that folks out there don’t remember their first love or crush if you want to call it that, and the feelings that, that special time invoked.
I used to get annoyed with people condescendingly telling me that when I “grew up” I would see things differently. What I do see now is that people my age have clearly forgotten what it was to be like at that age and how they felt. No one has the right to belittle what others feel no matter their age.

Agree with what your saying Anna. Also the fact that 16 is just a line in the sand - it means nothing in the real world. If people with these kind of age gaps are both happy then let them get on with it, no one elses business really, although we can all have opinions :-) . The legality question is total carp. Alot of things are technically illegal but who decides where the line is drawn? Looking at individual cases is the only fair way to have laws although i realise it would be very hard to do this.

[timwilky]

Ok, I am a dad, a granddad even.

I think back to when I was 18, was I interested in a loving relationship with a girl. No way. testosterone caused the little head to overrule the big one and as they say a raging hard on has no conscience. What a happy time it was.



OK I am an old man, my attitudes have changed over time. To me a relationship is an understanding, companionship etc. Built on commitment and trust. Sex is part of that relationship. But it is not the be all and end all.

Can an 18 year old have a relationship with a 14 year old girl? No. If he was anything like me at that age he would have only one all consuming aim. The girl at that age, I would like to think of as an innocent with dreams of finding true love. But that is tosh. I know from my daughter, from my sons ex who was a schoolgirl mum etc. They have just as much desire for sex as lads of their own age. Their bodies tell them when they are ready, it is just as much raging hormones as with lads of that age, if not more

So should we moralise and put age restrictions on relationships? Yes if only to put an artificial barrier in the way. To help prevent the predatory etc.

There is certainly nothing wrong with an 18 and 14 year old being friends. but I seriously doubt that it can be a friendship where issues of sex will not arise. and at that point will the younger be able to deal with the decision. I think not. You just hope that either party then value their friendship

[Jabba]

a ranging hard on

A what?

.......sex will not arise.....

Pun-tastic there, Mr W :thumbsup:

[timwilky]

sorry you know I meant raging, damm spell checker taking over. fixed now.

[dizzyblonde]

I'm looking at it from Annas slant now. I've already posted my view from being a parent.

I now look into my long distant past, and remember myself being 15, and dating a sixth former, who was 18. Nowt wrong with it, no sexual relations involved.
I was indeed a very cool person in that part of my life...because I was going out with a sixth former. There was a couple of us maturer lasses that were at the time. One of them is now a local councillor, one of them is very highly educated..could go on how many of us are more intelligent than what is thought of in this thread. What I'm getting at is...we were at a church school, we were intelligent mature people, we still are intelligent mature people, the lads weren't paedos, and none of it ended in teenage pregnancy, or witchhunting.

[kitkat]

i vaguely remember being 14/15. I was attracted to the bad boy (surprise surprise) they were older, had left school, didnt work, rode motorbikes and treated girls like crap. I was 15 and my bf was 19. At the time I was pressured into doing stuff I didnt want to and wasnt ready for by him. My daughter is now 16 and is very grown up and mature for her age and would not allow any boy to pressure her into anything she didnt want to do. So its not just the age that is the problem. But basically its no ones business, unless like in this case, opinions are requested.

[dizzyblonde]

I now look into my long distant past, and remember myself being 15, and dating a sixth former, who was 18. Nowt wrong with it, no sexual relations involved.
.


unless you mean harmless things like,....ooo holding hands, a kiss, a hug.:-k because after all, some draconian people seem to think that they are not allowed either..

[SoulKiss]

I argue that perceived maturity and actual maturity are VERY different things.

I have know lots of young people aged under 17 (I was a Scout/Venture Scout Leader) who came across as VERY mature, but in some cases it didn't take much to crack that veneer and see the very vulnerable child beneath it, sometimes it could be the wierdest/silliest thing that caused it.

TBH in the real world, I dont really care who does what with whom sexually, as long as its what both people want, and they are able to CONSENT to it. This means having an understanding of big picture and want to do it for their own reasons.

As said, 16 is an arbritary line in the sand, and I also pointed out that what we see as wrong but acceptable in two 15 year olds having sex, suddenly becomes very wrong in the space of a second when one of them hits their 16th birthday......

Yes its all rubbish, but its the best system we have to protect children from harm.

[ophic]

Yes its all rubbish, but its the best system we have to protect children from harm.
and it doesn't work.

I'm forever scarred by not having sex at the age of 14, when now all the little scrotes are getting it. Lucky b*st*rds. :p

[skeetly]

And if relationships were 'banned' so to speak, until post 21 years, there would be just as much crashing and burning there after. I think that relationships help to develop emotional intelligence, and that development at younger years would be lost if you prevented your kids from engaging in any form of relationship.

Anna - I'm with you on this one.

My missus worked for years sorting out the mess left over from unwanted pregnancies. It would be nice to think that all kids are mature and responsible but on the whole they aren't; even the grown ups appear to have trouble with it. Eighteen year old lads *should* be a menace to girls, if one of mine wasn't I'd be worried. As for 'development'? Well, even 18 year old kids shouldn't be falling in love never mind 14 year olds. They should be learning from mistakes and 18 year old mistakes shouldnt be 14 year olds mistakes....
In any case i don't believe I mentioned anything about preventing 'any form of relationship'; just ones where there is a big age difference when they are only kids.

[Rai86]

ooo well this this has gone a bit mental hasnt it.

As much as i disagree with older men and young teenage girls and when i am a mother i will do every thing in my power to protect my child (mle or female), i unfortuantly can not talk.

My first boyfriend and sexual relationship was in his mid 20's while i was 16. Looking back now its pretty sick and he must have been quite odd to fancy a 16 year old! but at the time i didnt question it. It seemed all fine and dandy to me. And this is what i think the dangers are.....when you are that age you dont question things and you are kinda flattered. Young ladies can be taken advantage of.

[joshmac]

ditto my situation that including falc looking older than me ;)
That's only 'cause you don't look a day over 20 ;)


I've had nowt to do this evening after my babysitting (actually a baby) didn't go so well :lol: (my God they can make some serious noise!) so I've read this whole thread (taken about 2.5-3 hours! OK I have been watching South Park and WSB and half reading this) Meh

As SK has said, having sex with someone under 16 is technically rape in the eyes of the Law.

Personally I couldn't really care what two people do in a relationship (unless it's someone I'm close to), none of my business.
I'm 18. Wouldn't do anything with anyone under 16, but would (and have) been with older girls (25, 21). At the end of the day, everyone's entitled to their own opinion and most people's opinion doesn't count for s***.
Just personal preference...

[metalangel]

i vaguely remember being 14/15. I was attracted to the bad boy (surprise surprise) they were older, had left school, didnt work, rode motorbikes and treated girls like crap.

I think that's sorta why the younger girls go for older guys. Imagine you're a young piece of totty, which guy do you choose:

guy your age: lives with his parents, has a curfew, no money, clueless about how to act and impress you, will spend more time studying than with you

older guy: has own flat (probably), has a job and so has lots of money, has own car or bike, stays out as late as he likes, does what he likes when he likes, doesn't have to try hard to impress you as he is independent now!

[joshmac]

Yeah. I think younger girls are easily impressed by someone with a car/bike. Still (IMVHO) doesn't mean the guy should take advantage of that :smt102

[metalangel]

It would be kinda hard to resist if she's really cute (and legal, obv) though...

[speedplay]

I'm 32 and Jenn is nearly 27.

The older you get the less the age difference seems to make.
I think it all depends on the maturity of the people involved.
As long as theres no laws being broken who cares about the age difference?
I have seen women older than me as well as younger.
I really dont care about age differences, the main thing is that both parties are happy.

[joshmac]

It would be kinda hard to resist if she's really cute (and legal, obv) though...
I meant younger as in under the age of consent. Though, as has been said, it's scary how much older girls can look with make up on.
Maybe I should try that if I ever lose my ID and wanna go out :lol: Not sure if it'd have the same effect haha. It'd get a reaction, but not the one I'd be hoping for

[wyrdness]

Mrs Wyrdness is 13 years younger than me. It's never really made a difference as I'm surprisingly immature for my age :D

Having a fresh out of college 22 year old when you're 35 is a bit of an ego boost.

[metalangel]

Heh, I'm remind of that Two & A Half Men when Alan is afraid he's getting old so Charlie takes him to this cougar bar where he can score some older women. Charlie describes it as 'the fountain of youth' and sure enough, the women are licking their lips at the two 'young' men who've just come in.