How to give a tablet to your pet...

[Littlepeahead]

After the cats bringing in various prey over the last week I needed to worm them. Never has anything truer been written then this. I am typing one handed as the other is still throbbing from the bite marks and scratches.

CATS:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to partner's forearm and immediately remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot and drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy-duty pruning loves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture shop on way home to pick out new table.

15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat. Call local pet shop to see if they have hamsters.

DOGS:

1. Wrap pill in bacon.

[fizzwheel]

Originally Posted by Littlepeahead

DOGS:

1. Wrap pill in bacon.

We dont even need to do that, our two eat the worming tablets straight out of Liz's hand, they think they are dog treats...

[Paul the 6th]

Milbemax is it fizz? Our toby snaffles them!


Edit: did anyone else read the title and think of something like this?

When we babysit in-law's little dog, we just put them in a bit of chicken. Smiles all round

[Bibio]

crush pill into some olive oil and put on cats fur. the cat will then spend all day licking it off.

[carelesschucca]

Stuff all that bother just SHOOT CAT put pill and cat in bin, the end... So much easier!

I'm not a fan of cats, I'm highly allergic to them and the wee Barstewards know it, they come straight to me. I think they know that if they touch me I'll be basically blind within 20 minutes.

Originally Posted by Bibio

crush pill into some olive oil and put on cats fur. the cat will then spend all day licking it off.

Or butter

One child allergic to cats other allergic to dogs, hamsters, and rabbits both are allergic to horses saves us having a pet! Doesn't stop us babysitting father's dog when he is on holiday or youngest (most allergic one) from riding.

Ye I got that in an email too, very funny and very true. I'm a dog lover far more than a cat lover really, dogs are far simpler critters and don't leave you guessing...cats do what the hell they want.

[Littlepeahead]

Originally Posted by Bibio

crush pill into some olive oil and put on cats fur. the cat will then spend all day licking it off.

That's what I ended up doing. One of the cats then started really drooling. He ran halfway up the stairs and vigorously shook his head splattering greasy dribble all over the brand new carpet and freshly painted white walls.

The other one waited til Supervox arrived then tried to rub it off on his textiles.