Fallout's New Model Britain!

[Thunderace]

This originated in another thread, but in short, we've decided that as the current and previous Governments have displayed a complete lack of the necessary skills needed to successfully run a country we have decided to take over!

We need to fill all cabinet positions, so please feel free to put yourself forward for any position you feel you could do a better job in than the inbred idiot currently doing the job.

The positions currently filled in the new regime are;

Prime Minister - Fallout.
Transport Minister - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston.

I hope to see an application from Mark_h for Education Minister.

Please help us restore this countries sanity!

[The Idle Biker]

Can I look after Sex Education for the over 18's please?

[chezvegas85]

foreign secretary - chezvegas85

before a bnp biker gets in ;-)

[Spank86]

Damnit, and I.was going to change the name back to the colonial office too.

[Mark_h]

Prime Minister - Fallout.
Transport Minister - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston
foreign secretary - chezvegas85
Sexual Health Minister - Idle Biker
Sustainability Minister -MarkH

Now just to set expectations. Sustainability in the new model is not energy saving lightbulbs and knit-your-own muesli, it's more of a sustainable behavior approach. Anyone not achieving the standard will be sent to the PUB. Which is the Pit of Unsustainable Behaviour.

For example :-
Someone dings your car in a carpark and does not hang around - to the PUB.
Someone drops litter out of a car window - to the PUB
Someone nicks your breakfast in a biker cafe, slap then to the PUB

Also folks loose and gain sustainability credits for behaviour:-
Voluntary work +credits; look after neighbours who can't look after themselves +credits ; discourteous behaviour -credits; walking through London stations at the wrong speed while playing with iPhone -credits etc
When credit balance hits zero time to visit the PUB.

As part of the sustainability policy you can not get a car or bike license unless you can demonstrate basic mechanical capability and have a reasonable sustainability credit balance.

As sustainability minister I set credit rules, determine who goes to the PUB. There may be elements of democracy within and around the sustainability office but the breadth of the democracy will be determined as we go along.

Sounds fair enough to me :)

[DJ123]

I'll be Minister for Road Safety

[Spank86]

Can I be the minister for administrative affairs?

[Jammy]

Can i be the minister for roadside recovery?

[Thunderace]

Transport Ministers first policy amendment;

Not so much no speed limit, just get rid of 30 and below, 40 for built up areas, extremely loud exhausts for everyone to let the kiddies know to stay off the road, national speed limit set to 120 with a minimum speed of 90 on dual carriageways and motorways, punishable by death to all those Sunday drivers!
And bus lanes resurfaced and re-named racing lanes, and all forms of mass transit to be melted down and recycled into after market bits and bobs, train tracks to be removed and tarmacked for use by bikes only, all HGV's banned from minor roads! All cyclists over the age of 17 are to be rounded up and shot, but to save ammo, first thing to do is fence in the population of Cambridge, and use a small tactical strike to eliminate several thousand cyclists in one go!

The train track thing is aimed at those like me who relish the opportunity to max out your bike from time to time, most of you lot have seen me try and corners keep getting in the way!

[Jammy]

T All cyclists over the age of 17 are to be rounded up and shot, but to save ammo, first thing to do is fence in the population of Cambridge, and use a small tactical strike to eliminate several thousand cyclists in one go!




HAHA. Did anyone spy the Hi-vis cyclist holding up atleast 6 cars and a line of bikes up a long hill? Was shortly after leaving loomies, i thought it was hysterical how tired he looked. :smt082 Guy needs to get an engine, much easier.

[Fallout]

There was one female cyclist on the pavement with super short shorts, and was definitely over the age of 17. I was expecting a honk from the transport minister, but he was obviously distracted. Mind you, since she was on the pavement, she probably will be exploiting a loophole that Nathan is happy to leave open for the time being, seeing as he never walks anywhere.

Btw, in typical Berlusconi style, my job will mainly be to point and laugh and make the occasional sexist comment, while prioritizing my own embezzlement and sex scandals above any real policy. I'll leave the resculpting up to you lot, so long as we can include some sort of zombie apocalypse preparation.

[DJ123]

Minister for Road Safety declares the following;

1) All kerbs to be changed to red and white race kerbs
2) All lamposts and other road furniture to be removed. They are to be attached to the side of buildings instead
3) All road surfaces to be race track smooth asphalt
4) Minimum speed cameras/combined mini guns to be introduced. Travelling at less than 95% of the limit=rapid firing
5) Lap timers to be introduced on the best roads

[Mark_h]

There was one female cyclist on the pavement with super short shorts, and was definitely over the age of 17.

Assuming this is the girl on the pavement who was off her bike between petersfiels and harting then she was about 14 tops. Unsustainable behavior -1 credit for Fallout. +1 credit for everyone else for showing motorcyclist in a good light while riding past impressionable young girls.

Yours sincerely
Minister of sustainability

[DJ123]

There was one female cyclist on the pavement with super short shorts, and was definitely over the age of 17. I was expecting a honk from the transport minister, but he was obviously distracted.

Fallout=The defendant

Assuming this is the girl on the pavement who was off her bike between petersfiels and harting then she was about 14 tops. Unsustainable behavior -1 credit for Fallout. +1 credit for everyone else for showing motorcyclist in a good light while riding past impressionable young girls.

Yours sincerely
Minister of sustainability

Mark=The prosecution

[Fallout]

Dear Minister of Sustainability,

I didn't realise you were so familiar with the girl, such as to know her age! I think perhaps we need a Chief Lord Justice to keep an eye on you!

- Presseeeient Fallowwwt (That's how Italians say it)

[DJ123]

You make something italian by adding an i or an o to the end of it ;)

[Mark_h]

Fallout=The defendant

Mark=The prosecution

Daddyjob, Unfortunately you've misunderstood the underlying theme of the new model. There is no defence. Sustainability Ministers decision is final and binding.

-1 credit for Daddyjob for being a woolley liberal

Spank, as minister for administrative affairs I assume you are setting up a committee to evaluate options for keeping track of the credits If not then it's -10 for you and your team which should be enough to get you straight to the PUB!

[Spank86]

You make something italian by adding an i or an o to the end of it ;)

Depends if it's plural or not.


I think I should be education minister.

First order of business will be corporal punishment for there, They're, their transgressions.

[DJ123]

Fallout is the Presidente, therefore he would win anyway. You maybe sent to the dungeons for punishment by said underage girl :lol:

[Spank86]

That's Spanish!

[DJ123]

it's also a beer, supermarket, hotel . . . .

[Mark_h]

Fallout is the Presidente, therefore he would win anyway. You maybe sent to the dungeons for punishment by said underage girl :lol:

He may become an unsustainable president!

[Spank86]

it's also a beer, supermarket, hotel . . . .

All Spanish.

[DJ123]

is Fallout not spanish then?

[Spank86]

Italian?

[widepants]

can we legalise "massage palours" so that I can be the chief inspector please.I will also need a deputy

[Wideboy]

can i be the general public that doesn't vote and reads the sun?

[Thunderace]

See the new system is finding its feet already! I knew this would work,;) we need to run for Government!:D

[Mark_h]

@spank,
Please update credit bank

Thunderace +1 for helping out mate in need
Thunderace -1 for antagonising BMW and ranger rover drivers who already represent unsustainable motoring behavior

Yours sincerely,
Sustainability minister

[Mark_h]

can i be the general public that doesn't vote and reads the sun?

Only if you complain about every decision taken that you couldn't be arsed to vote on.

[Fallout]

Fallout +1 for helping out mate in need
Fallout -1 for antagonising BMW and ranger rover drivers who already represent unsustainable motoring behavior


Hang on! I don't remember antagonising any BMW or range rover drivers, either on the road, nor with my policy. And I certainly go to great lengths to avoid helping people!

You're more corrupt than me. I think this government may just work.

[Mark_h]

Hang on! I don't remember antagonising any BMW or range rover drivers, either on the road, nor with my policy. And I certainly go to great lengths to avoid helping people!

You're more corrupt than me. I think this government may just work.

Corrected
+1 fallout for attention to detail
-1 markh for lack of attention to detail and accusing fallout of Altruism

[Fallout]

Corrected
+1 fallout for attention to detail
-1 markh for lack of attention to detail and accusing fallout of Altruism

I don't think you get this politics thing Mark.
Error 1: You've admitted fault
Error 2: You corrected yourself

What you're really supposed to do is waffle on about something completely unrelated to draw attention away from said issue. If that doesn't work, deny everything until the very end, and then when we finally have undeniable proof, resign and collect a huge pension. :rolleyes:

[Mark_h]

I don't think you get this politics thing Mark.
Error 1: You've admitted fault
Error 2: You corrected yourself

What you're really supposed to do is waffle on about something completely unrelated to draw attention away from said issue. If that doesn't work, deny everything until the very end, and then when we finally have undeniable proof, resign and collect a huge pension. :rolleyes:

Oh the naivety of youth. Put your hands up to a minor error and people believe you are fundimentally honest. Then when you are caught out doing something more substantial public opinion is in your side. It's an investment!

[Fallout]

The man has a point! Corruption rating restored. :)

[Wideboy]

what about expenses ect? you need to be able to claim for that extension on your holiday villa Duba, and seeing as im joe sun reading public i will be whining and moaning the my benefits aren't enough to take me on a third holiday this year to Majorca and that i can only afford the basic sky package

[Wideboy]

Only if you complain about every decision taken that you couldn't be arsed to vote on.
i can do that

[widepants]

whats this voting malarky thing you keep banging on about.I always thought that currant politicians were born with an automatic right to "jobs for the boys" and funny handshake things

[Mark_h]

whats this voting malarky thing you keep banging on about.I always thought that currant politicians were born with an automatic right to "jobs for the boys" and funny handshake things

Votes are counted behind closed doors by incumbent... simples....

what about expenses ect? you need to be able to claim for that extension on your holiday villa Duba, and seeing as im joe sun reading public i will be whining and moaning the my benefits aren't enough to take me on a third holiday this year to Majorca and that i can only afford the basic sky package

Not my remit to comment officially, but from a sustainability perspective I see performance/behaviour related benefits.
- If your TV covers more wall-space than your book case (for clarity books count. DVDs, X-box games or VHS in fake classic book covers don't count) then benefits cut.
- If you can afford to smoke you are receiving too much benefit. Cut
- If you are more obese than me (I am now threshold benchmark) you can clearly afford too many pies so benefit cut and half the remaining benefit paid in fruit and veg
- Expenses for party members have to be deemed sustainable. Not sure who is responsible for that ..... oh hang on a minute that's me ....... There may be a delay in receiving expenses judgement as I do have to visit my off-shore duck houses from time to time to ensure they are correctly anchored in the moat.


Oh and +2 credits for Widepants. 1 for excellent comment ref "Why?" w.r.t folks repeating stuff they don't understand in an attempt to appear useful and 1 for volunteering to be the ring-leader of the angry mob who, with some Sun headline manipulation, can be duped into doing our dirtywork around discrediting those we can not officially be seen as sending to the PUB. Keep up the good work and there could be a knighthood in this for you Sir Wide.

@Spank, Still waiting for an initial report from admin ref credit tracking as there does seem to be quite a lot of activity.

[Littlepeahead]

Can I be Minister for Cakes and Corruption please?

And can whoever gets to be Ministerfor Sport please bring in a law that says that the only people allowed to wear lycra are fit athletic blokes, not all those chavvy fat birds clogging up the biscuit aisles in Asda's Chelmsford store.

[Mark_h]

LPH, Any chance you could check out locations in Essex for the PUB.

No issues from sustainability ref cakes but I think we have corruption covered from the top-down already.

[Thunderace]

And can whoever gets to be Minister for Sport please bring in a law that says that the only people allowed to wear lycra are fit athletic blokes, not all those chavvy fat birds clogging up the biscuit aisles in Asda's Chelmsford store.

Transport Ministers 2nd policy amendment;

Not so much no speed limit, just get rid of 30 and below, 40 for built up areas, extremely loud exhausts for everyone to let the kiddies know to stay off the road, national speed limit set to 120 with a minimum speed of 90 on dual carriageways and motorways, punishable by death to all those Sunday drivers!
And bus lanes resurfaced and re-named racing lanes, and all forms of mass transit to be melted down and recycled into after market bits and bobs, train tracks to be removed and tarmacked for use by bikes only, all HGV's banned from minor roads! All cyclists over the age of 17 are to be rounded up and shot, but to save ammo, first thing to do is fence in the population of Cambridge, and use a small tactical strike to eliminate several thousand cyclists in one go!

The train track thing is aimed at those like me who relish the opportunity to max out your bike from time to time, most of you lot have seen me try and corners keep getting in the way!

One train and one track shall be kept (location to be confirmed) so any fat person wearing Lycra can be tied to the back and be made to run or be dragged behind it! If there is any doubt as to whether someone is fat, please see the Minister for Sustainability as he is the threshold from which to be judged, as and when we find a Minister for Sport I will consult them and amend my policy accordingly!

[Thunderace]

The Cabinet so far;

Prime Minister - Fallout.
Transport Minister - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston
foreign secretary - chezvegas85
Sexual Health Minister - Idle Biker
Sustainability Minister -MarkH
Road Safety minister - Daddyjob
Minister for Administrative Affairs - Spank86
Minister for Cakes - Littlepeahead

I say Widepants for Minister of Indecent Behavior, and Wideboy needs to stop being joe public and join the cabinet, possibly to fill the position of Education Secretary? We also need a Deputy Prime Minister, just in case El Presidente's frame implodes and throws him under a bus! Any volunteers?

Dear Minister of Sustainability, as this glaring mistake not to fill the post of Deputy Prime Minister falls squarely on the shoulders of the entire cabinet, who is to take the blame for leaving our administration so unsustainable?

[Mark_h]

The Cabinet so far;

Prime Minister - Fallout.
Transport Minister - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston
foreign secretary - chezvegas85
Sexual Health Minister - Idle Biker
Sustainability Minister -MarkH
Road Safety minister - Daddyjob
Minister for Administrative Affairs - Spank86
Minister for Cakes - Littlepeahead

I say Widepants for Minister of Indecent Behavior, and Wideboy needs to stop being joe public and join the cabinet, possibly to fill the position of Education Secretary?

Still think having him as our stooge on the outside will be more useful.



We also need a Deputy Prime Minister, just in case El Presidente's frame implodes and throws him under a bus! Any volunteers?

Need volunteer for deputy and volunteer for bus-driver. Can guess which will have the greatest response.


Dear Minister of Sustainability, as this glaring mistake not to fill the post of Deputy Prime Minister falls squarely on the shoulders of the entire cabinet, who is to take the blame for leaving our administration so unsustainable?
Culpability flows up so -1 credit Fallout. However by not having this role upto now considerable savings in salary and expenses have been achieved very sustainable so +1 Fallout

[Littlepeahead]

No issues from sustainability ref cakes but I think we have corruption covered from the top-down already.

In that case I can sit back and relax as I've done my job already in corrupting our PM. Just call me Edwina Currie.

[Jammy]

Did you miss my post on page 1 or am I just not worthy ;)

[DJ123]

you can be minister for dropping bikes

[Thunderace]

Apologies Jammy!


The Cabinet so far;

Prime Minister - Fallout.
Transport Minister - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston
foreign secretary - chezvegas85
Sexual Health Minister - Idle Biker
Sustainability Minister -MarkH
Road Safety minister - Daddyjob
Minister for Administrative Affairs - Spank86
Minister for Cakes - Littlepeahead
Minister for Roadside Recovery - Jammy

[Thunderace]

In that case I can sit back and relax as I've done my job already in corrupting our PM. Just call me Edwina Currie.

Interesting?:-s

There will have to be a full investigation!;)

[Littlepeahead]

Will this be like the Leverson enquiry, where regardless of what the authorities say, someone still has to publish the naked photos as it is 'in the public interest'?

[Thunderace]

someone still has to publish the naked photos as it is 'in the public interest'?

Only if you feel it necessary!;)

[Spank86]

@Spank, Still waiting for an initial report from admin ref credit tracking as there does seem to be quite a lot of activity.

I've been away watching my cousin put a car on its roof, I've also moved to minister for education, it needs a lot of work.

[Thunderace]

I've been away watching my cousin put a car on its roof, I've also moved to minister for education, it needs a lot of work.

Due to our Minister for Administration resigning and subsequently being reinstated into the cabinet, our administration has suffered a minor public relations nightmare, A Cabinet Reshuffle, so the cabinet as it now stands;


Prime Minister - Fallout.
Transport Minister - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston
foreign secretary - chezvegas85
Sexual Health Minister - Idle Biker
Sustainability Minister -MarkH
Road Safety minister - Daddyjob
Minister for Education - Spank86
Minister for Cakes - Littlepeahead
Minister for Roadside Recovery - Jammy

At this rate we'll never get into power!

[Spank86]

In my defence it was a joke.

I guess you lot missed yes minister.

[Mark_h]

In my defence it was a joke.

I guess you lot missed yes minister.

I think you'll find Yes Minister was actually a fly-on-the-wall documentary.

[widepants]

changed my mind . Can I be the minister for the uneducated please.Someone has to keep an eye on the truimph owners before they try a coup

[Littlepeahead]

I may rebel and set up a rival party making me leader of the opposition.

[DJ123]

What will be your policies LPH?

[Wideboy]

ok i will take the minister for education role.

first rule to be brought in, on the spot shooting for anyone that says "init" and "sick blud" whilst snapping of the fingers, oh and "yeah boy".... actually no who ever says "yeah boy" must have a mechanical claw inserted into their anus and then they will be pulled inside out via the anal passage.

i guess the minister of engineering should be in charge of developing that?

[Thunderace]

OK lets try this;

Prime Minister - Fallout.
Transport Minister - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston
foreign secretary - chezvegas85
Sexual Health Minister - Idle Biker
Sustainability Minister -MarkH
Road Safety minister - Daddyjob
Minister for Administrative Affairs - Spank86
Minister for Cakes - Littlepeahead
Minister for Roadside Recovery - Jammy
Minister for Education - Wideboy
Minister for the Uneducated - Widepants

[Fallout]

Actually, we may not be a bunch of Einsteins, but I reckon we have enough brains between us to do a half decent job! ESPECIALLY if the UK is taken over by a zombie apocalypse, as obviously we all hope it will be. We can be a roaming nomadic biking parliament.

I think you may need your pay raised though Transport Minister, because to me it sounds like the Minister for Administrative Affairs should be administering this list of ministers, but obviously he's too frikkin disorganised. Which is why he's perfect for the job.

[widepants]

can we raise extra money by repackaging oil bottles so that they are worded "not for triumphs" and then bring out the same oil with a triumph logo for 4 x the price. We'll make a killing towards our southern european summer parlimentary home

[The Idle Biker]

Point of order. I nominated myself as Minister of Sex Education for the over 18's. I turn away from the org for a couple of days and I'm downgraded to Minister of Sexual Health. WTF???? How did that happen???

I have no interest in promoting sexual health. I want it as dirty as possible. I'm considering my position. You will have my status in the morning.

Off to bed for a J Arthur.

[Spank86]

I reckon I can get the economy turned round within 6 months, albeit with some long term pain during the next boom.

[widepants]

you snooze you loose
just like the lot in westminster

[Wideboy]

i just watched doomsdayers (i think that's what it was called) and i believe that we need a minster for nuclear attack, to prepare the survival of us on the cabinet and to launch a counter attack.

[Thunderace]

Revised cabinet posts;

Prime Minister - Fallout.
Transport Minister - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston
foreign secretary - chezvegas85
Minister for Sex Education of Over 18's - Idle Biker
Sustainability Minister -MarkH
Road Safety minister - Daddyjob
Minister for Administrative Affairs - Spank86
Minister for Cakes - Littlepeahead
Minister for Roadside Recovery - Jammy
Minister for Education - Wideboy
Minister for the Uneducated - Widepants
__________________

[Thunderace]

i just watched doomsdayers (i think that's what it was called) and i believe that we need a minster for nuclear attack, to prepare the survival of us on the cabinet and to launch a counter attack.

I vote for Runako,

Originally posted by Runako;

I'm seriously worried about the people I hang out with. Bikeramy started it, Fallout featured it in his "how to Vid" and Grant66 took it to a different level! Let me explain.

So, picture this. I'm sat in a Bike cafe having a delicious dream of an all day breakfast. You know, the kind thats only good for you once a month with lashings of Bacon, a pair of perfectly round fried eggs, steaming hot hash brown, crunchy oily fried bread, moist black pudding, a quartet band of toast with butter mmmmmmmm... oh, er, sorry about.

Where was I. Oh yes. So I'm sat eating my all day breakfast in between two people who look perfectly normal with no exterior sign off oddity. Little did I know that what lurked below the surface of these two individuals was pure madness.

The person to my left says "Zombies are real, and they're coming. Better be prepared". I look up and across to the person to my right, waiting for them to subliminally agree with me that there are no such things as Zombies.

But No! Person to my right says "Yes, I'm sorted. But I'm worried that some people don't know the proper technique for killing a Zombie. You can't just hit them or shoot them anywhere. Here's a book I can recommend on how to prepare" [proceeds to do an online search and shows person to my left a book entitled "Zombie Apocalypse Preparation"] .... wait, what???

"Ooh that's good", says person to my left. "If only we were like the Americans then we could all get guns. If we have a Zombie outbreak in the UK what are people gonna do, stab them with a fork?" [Person to my right] "I'm sure you can use normal everyday items, such as a knife. But you mustn't use one with a serrated blade, cause that will stick in the skull. You've got a use a knife with a clean edge" [Hmmm, I never thought of ... wait, wtf?]

So I humour my abnormal companions: "If Zombies crave flesh and need to eat meat to survive, why wouldn't they just find the nearest cow and chow down?"

"Ah" says person to my right. "Everyone knows Zombies only eat human flesh and brains" [Everyone knows this? Really?] "Plus if they'd bitten the cow this would just spread the virus" says person to my left, "And then we would have Zombie cows!"

At this point, I choked on a piece of black pudding.

This continued for some time. I heard plots and scenarios, including a plan to recruit cats and manipulate them by shining a laser pen - cats find this little trick irresistible apparently - unto a Zombie so that the cats can attack them! [Headslap ... smh]

As we were in a public place, people started staring. But my companions weren't to be deterred. "There will be a Zombie Apocalypse and if you're not prepared Ronnie, you're gonna die like the rest of them".

Needless to say, I do NOT believe there will be a Zombie apocalypse. Nevertheless, out of concern for my companions, I decided to run a poll in the Org cause I know there are a lot of reasonable, sensible, level headed people here.

[Wideboy]

but seeing as your signals and have experience in tackling women defenders, arms and blowing up gas stoves with dud grenades... i think you should have 2 posts

[Thunderace]

but seeing as your signals and have experience in tackling women defenders, arms and blowing up gas stoves with dud grenades... i think you should have 2 posts

If I take the post of Minister for Zombie Apocalypse, I think between Daddyjob and Jammy we've got transport covered! (Providing my existing policies stay in place);) So I shall start working on contingency plans!

[Thunderace]

Yet another cabinet reshuffle;

Prime Minister - Fallout.
Minister for Zombie Apocalypse - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston
foreign secretary - chezvegas85
Minister for Sex Education of Over 18's - Idle Biker
Sustainability Minister -MarkH
Transport Minister - Daddyjob
Minister for Administrative Affairs - Spank86
Minister for Cakes - Littlepeahead
Transport Secretary - Jammy
Minister for Education - Wideboy
Minister for the Uneducated - Widepants

[Fallout]

Gav has a point. Although you may be forming transport policy, we'll all be upholding it since we all hold dear the idea of maxing out our bikes along disused railway tracks. Really you can form a few policies about shooting horses and super charging children's tricycles and then crack on with Nuclear related shananigans.

I really think we need a Minister for Counter Zombie Apocalypse Strategy. Perhaps that should be my job, since being the Präsident only really requires me to insert cigars into secretaries and make a fool of myself in front of the media.

[Thunderace]

OK a final cabinet reshuffle;

Prime Minister/Minister for Zombie Apocalypse - Fallout.
Minister for Transport - Thunderace.
Defence Minister - Dave Preston
foreign secretary - chezvegas85
Minister for Sex Education of Over 18's - Idle Biker
Sustainability Minister -MarkH
Road Safety Minister - Daddyjob
Minister for Administrative Affairs - Spank86
Minister for Cakes - Littlepeahead
Minister for Roadside Recovery - Jammy
Minister for Education - Wideboy
Minister for the Uneducated - Widepants

[DJ123]

i'l take on the role of Minister of Music control too

[Thunderace]

i'l take on the role of Minister of Music control too

As long as there is plenty of Credence Clearwater Revival its fine by me!

[Thunderace]

Transport Ministers 3rd policy amendment;

Not so much no speed limit, just get rid of 30 and below, 40 for built up areas, extremely loud exhausts for everyone to let the kiddies know to stay off the road, national speed limit set to 120 with a minimum speed of 90 on dual carriageways and motorways, punishable by death to all those Sunday drivers!
And bus lanes resurfaced and re-named racing lanes, and all forms of mass transit to be melted down and recycled into after market bits and bobs, train tracks to be removed and tarmacked for use by bikes only, all HGV's banned from minor roads!

The train track thing is aimed at those like me who relish the opportunity to max out your bike from time to time, most of you lot have seen me try and corners keep getting in the way!

One train and one track shall be kept (location to be confirmed) so any fat person wearing Lycra can be tied to the back and be made to run or be dragged behind it! If there is any doubt as to whether someone is fat, please see the Minister for Sustainability as he is the threshold from which to be judged, as and when we find a Minister for Sport I will consult them and amend my policy accordingly!

New amendment for cyclists, due to the Prime Ministers new Zombie Apocalypse duties, I thought I'd lend a hand;

All cyclists over 17 will be rounded up and brought to Guildford, where they will be sealed in the Spectrum for safe keeping, they will have facilities to keep fit and in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse will be used as bait to facilitate our escape!

I hope this meets with the Prime Ministers approval!

[Fallout]

I'm very torn with my ZA duties. On the one hand I want everyone to die so that we have a proper ZA for me to counter, but at the same time I realise my responsibilities are to protect the public.

What we really need is a list of people who are required, by law, to be bitten by zombies and thus become a member of the undead:

1. Everyone who is ugly. Unattractive is fine, but people you look at and go ""uughghhhhh!". There will be enough terror in the world as it is. You will be required to become infected.

2. Old people. I have nothing against the doddering old fools, but you're pretty much zombies anyway, so you might as well make it official.

3. All children under the age of 12, with the exception of minister's kids. Kids are obviously useless in a fight, and are also at the perfect height for a swinging axe to the face. Other exceptions are kids like the one in Mad Max 2 who can throw boomerangs into peoples' heads.

4. Anyone who can't speak fluent English. Immigrants are fine, but those that have neglected to learn English will be sent a letter with a map on it, which obviously they won't understand. The map will just have a bag of gold drawn on it, so hopefully this will encourage them to check it out. Of course, it will lead them straight to an infection camp where they will be introduced to the zombie hordes.

5. All celebrities, unless the party agrees by vote that they are off sufficient standing to be allowed to live. Sufficient standing generally referring to characteristics like comedy skills, intellect and breast size. Let's keep this groups small please.

6. Anyone who I decide I don't like.

I think using this approach we should ensure we have a good ZA with lots of zeds to kill, while ensuring the survival of genetically superior human beings. *straight arm style salute*

[Spank86]

I'm suggesting we keep the watercress line

[widepants]

Can we please draft a law that states all uneducated chavs are moved to the isle of white . Gun turrets can be placed along the coast and we can use the escapies as target practice for when the zombies are not doing as they are told . Isle of white residents have got enough money to buy themselves somewhere else to live , say Peckam or birmingham

[Spank86]

No no no no.

If it all falls apart during the apocalypse were going to need all the islands we can get.


Obviously I'm gonna be on the isle of Mann but well need wight for the farmers.

[widepants]

Fair point made and noted . Would send them to France but then I would be out of a job

[The Idle Biker]

I'm ignoring all this crazy talk about Zombies. I need to form a policy.

I'm off on a fact finding tour of all the Universities to see what the Sexual needs are for the over 18 females. I'm going to start at the Uni's and work my way through sports clubs, WI and then to OAP homes.

It may take some time, but it's important to listen to the people.

[widepants]

Do men ever get any sense out of women though.Best just to dibble and dabble and move on

[Wideboy]

My policy is to rid the country of chavs, bimbo's and the only way is Essex. I propose doing this by selecting specific children with blue eyes and blonde hair into some sort of youth cult, giving them branded knives, teaching and molding them into Aryan race super soldiers who will also be my secret army/police. I will name them the fallout youth movement.

I see know reason why this wouldn't work? As long as si doesn't get power hungry and all super racist in peoples faces it should all work out.

[Wideboy]

Also a note to add, minister for zombie apocalypse and nuclear attack must also work out how we can mad max out our bikes to travel the wastes

Also judging by the film we're going to have a real problem with things acting like ramps and making us go airborne and blow up, also people ramming us... just worth researching

[Fallout]

Thanks Wideboy. No problem with the Fallout Youth movement. Whenever anyone asks me what it's about, I shall think of my friend Kyle, who has now past away, as he was exactly as perfect as you describe. I shall point to the sky with outstretch fingers and tell them to "See Kyle, See Kyle", encouraging them to mimic his image.

[Mark_h]

Thanks Wideboy. No problem with the Fallout Youth movement. Whenever anyone asks me what it's about, I shall think of my friend Kyle, who has now past away, as he was exactly as perfect as you describe. I shall point to the sky without outstretch fingers and tell them to "See Kyle, See Kyle" as a way of guiding them.

I feel the New Model is drifting a tad towards the right. Perhaps we could take a more sustainable central line based more on Buddhism than Nazism. Jammy's already well on the way with his orange bike.

Peace and love guys.. sustainable peace and love!

[Littlepeahead]

So in setting up my rival party I have come up with the following policies:



At gigs there will be a height graduation system so the smallest people go to the front and the tallest at the back so everyone gets a good view.
Guidelines will state that everyone should eat at least 5 pieces of cake a day, fruit is optional and should only be consumed once fermented into an alcoholic liquid.
Women's leggings and bikinis will only be sold up to a maximum size 12. If you can't fit into that size you aren't allowed to wear it.
Beer will be subsidised and museli will be taxed heavily.
Special holding bays will be created for women with PMT so they cannot cause harm or offence to themselves or others.
The rain forests will be saved by the banning the printing of all instruction booklets thus reducing the need to use paper.
Anyone called Simon will be locked up until they can behave themselves.

[Mark_h]

So in setting up my rival party I have come up with the following policies:



At gigs there will be a height graduation system so the smallest people go to the front and the tallest at the back so everyone gets a good view.
Guidelines will state that everyone should eat at least 5 pieces of cake a day, fruit is optional and should only be consumed once fermented into an alcoholic liquid.
Women's leggings and bikinis will only be sold up to a maximum size 12. If you can't fit into that size you aren't allowed to wear it.
Beer will be subsidised and museli will be taxed heavily.
Special holding bays will be created for women with PMT so they cannot cause harm or offence to themselves or others.
The rain forests will be saved by the banning the printing of all instruction booklets thus reducing the need to use paper.
Anyone called Simon will be locked up until they can behave themselves.


@Dave Preston - Military response required. Bit of show of strength in the Essex direction to quell this uprising.

@Fallout quick cabinet meeting required to ratify above suggestion to quell the Essex uprising. However immediate sustainable sanctions to be applied.
- No further sales of self-tan
- No further sales of false eyelashes
- No further sales of vagazils
- Immediate suspension of clockwise traffic through Dartford tunnel/bridge
- Immediate suspension of anti-clockwise traffic from M25 j21
- Immediate closure of A11, A12 and A13 westbound between intersection with M25 and the northbound approach to the Blackwall tunnel

That should do until we agree a more robust response with Dave Preston.

[Littlepeahead]

I would like to point out that despite coming from Essex I have never had any of the first 3. Which is why I am a pasty white blob. If I tried to apply false eyelashes I'd only end up glueing one of my eyes shut - which leads me to believe that I definitely shouldn't try to glue on a vajazzle!

[Fallout]

@Mark - All motions passed!!

Clare, you are fighting a losing battle. Look at the power of my party. Nobody will get behind you and your wishy washy policies. You would be better off joining our party as Minister of Female Remoulding. As the only female you'd also be required to be my secretary. I do hope you like cigars.

[Wideboy]

Plus we will have Apache gunships. Nothings more awesome than that!

[Thunderace]

Dear Prime Minister,

Why is the Minister for Cakes trying to establish (and failing) a rival party, this is intolerable and I move that the Minister for Cakes is made an example of, if you so desire I could organise some transport from Essex to Siberia (got a great deal from the Russians with regard to slave labour, every person we send, they pay for 2), although this will mean we will need a new Minister for Cakes. Unless this rebellion is swiftly dealt with, the repercussions for the New Model Britain could be disastrous!

Yours Faithfully,

Transport Minister.

[Mark_h]

Rebellion in hand <ground forces (http://forums.sv650.org/showthread.php?t=183521)> Although sending a large hairy pussy to Essex may be a bit coals to Newcastleish

You'll see from previous post that major exits have been secured so just need to give tiddles a chance to eat the rebels.

[Littlepeahead]

@Mark - All motions passed!!

Clare, you are fighting a losing battle. Look at the power of my party. Nobody will get behind you and your wishy washy policies. You would be better off joining our party as Minister of Female Remoulding. As the only female you'd also be required to be my secretary. I do hope you like cigars.

Secretary? I'd be rubbish, I don't do shorthand, can't walk in a pencil skirt and high heels and make rubbish tea. Unless you were looking for a PA with other skills?

[Fallout]

Look Clare; the hounds are at your door, clawing at you, demanding an example be made. I see only one course of action for you: disband your non-existent rebel uprising, agree to end the coup, and bake some fekkin cakes.

Yes, standard PA skills plus benefits will be accepted. Do you welcome your position of Minister of Cakes, or do we continue implementing Nathan's and Mark's measures?

-El Presidino

[Mark_h]

+1 credit for spank for comment on post #14 ref FART. but -2 credit for waste of good tea when I actually sprayed half of it over my keyboard. Consider moving humour portfolio over to the Spankster.

[DJ123]

So in setting up my rival party I have come up with the following policies:



At gigs there will be a height graduation system so the smallest people go to the front and the tallest at the back so everyone gets a good view. Yes
Guidelines will state that everyone should eat at least 5 pieces of cake a day, fruit is optional and should only be consumed once fermented into an alcoholic liquid. Yes
Women's leggings and bikinis will only be sold up to a maximum size 12. If you can't fit into that size you aren't allowed to wear it. Woohoo!
Beer will be subsidised and museli will be taxed heavily. Yes
Special holding bays will be created for women with PMT so they cannot cause harm or offence to themselves or others. Why not simply remove the womb from the ugly ones also, to prevent them breeding
The rain forests will be saved by the banning the printing of all instruction booklets thus reducing the need to use paper. What's an instruction booklet?
Anyone called Simon will be locked up until they can behave themselves. Anyone with orange wheels

Mr President, i think some of these are worth implementing

[Thunderace]

Dear Prime Minister,

It has come to my attention that the Minister for Road Safety has a soft spot for the rebellion, I cant say I'm against any rebel policy as such, but the fact they wish to break away from the New Model Britain deserves to be dealt with swiftly, I can organise some transport to remove the Minister for Cakes and the Minister for Road Safety from these isles and take them both to Siberia.
That is of course if this meets with the Fuhrers approval.

Yours Faithfully,

Transport Minister.

[DJ123]

Transport Minister, do you disagree with any of the above policies?