The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Rofl, good post

[squirrel_hunter]

Archaeologists excavating a Pyramid in Egypt have found a Mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

Experts believe it to be the earliest example of a Pharaoh Roche.

[squirrel_hunter]

Like it or not, thats how Facebook works.

My Ten-year-old son caught me jerkin off this morning.
He said, "What are you doing dad?"
"It's called w******g," I replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why, dad?" he asked.

"Because my arm is f******g killing me!"

[Mr Speirs]

hahah hilarious

[andrewsmith]

Badg you bad bad bad man

[Viney]

Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London . Paddy looked in
one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. The sign
read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".

Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole
lot of dose and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune.
Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking cause
if they hear our accents, they might think were thickos from Ireland
and try to screw us. I'll put on my best English accent.

Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da
business said Mick.

They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll
take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs
of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"

The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners.

------------------------------

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan
desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little
old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to
buy a tie? They are only £5."
The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced
tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to
buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he
staggered back, almost dead & said,

"Your big brother won't let me in without a tie!"

What's the difference between Chris Moyles and a Didlo?

A Dildo is only an artificial representation of a c0ck.

Two fish in a tank.

"So, do you know how to drive this thing?"

Two cows in a field.
One Says 'moo',
The other says 'I was going to say that!'