The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

[keith_d]

I've just heard that before his death Jimmy Saville was working with Nik Kershaw on a single. It was going to be called "I Won't Let Your Son Go Down On Me"

[DJ123]

I was walking down the beach today when I spotted a blonde sun bathing topless.

When she looked up at me I said, "Haven't you got gorgeous eyes."

"Thanks," she smiled. "Most men normally only look at my tits."

"Its probably your own fault to be honest," I replied. "You've had them closed for the past half an hour."

[squirrel_hunter]

Just been watching some of that womens golf.

Their driving was awful, but boy could they use an iron.

I rang Babestation the other night and the woman said "hi sexy, what can I do for you?"

I said "Hide, my wife's coming downstairs and I've lost the remote"



Howdo all.

Two Indian junkies accidently snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.


Both in hospital

...one's in a korma

...the other's got a dodgy tikka!

My sex life is out the window.

Luckily I only live on the first floor so she climbed out the window before the missus got up the stairs.

I've just bought my wife one of those pug dogs as a surprise present. Despite the squashed nose, wonky eyes and trouble breathing due to the weight gain over the years, the dog seems to like her.

[gruntygiggles]

After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself naked in a mirror...remembering the time with Bill Clinton.

Her frustration over her inability to lose weight was depressing her.

In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help..."God, if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you," she prayed.

And just like that, her ears fell off!

[DJ123]

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.

"Do you have any kids?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied, "I have one child that's under two."

She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

My wife wants a new pair of gloves for Christmas. I've got her a pair of Marigolds. (True story)