The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Bear and a rabbit were taking a cr@p in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with cr@p sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his @ss with the rabbit.

[Shawthing]

Originally Posted by ClunkintheUK

Bear and a rabbit were taking a cr@p in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with cr@p sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his @ss with the rabbit.

I'm reminded of this joke eachtime i see the latest John Lewis Advert

[punyXpress]

Sunday Mornings

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream van hadn't come along."

The caterers at this years Beer and Winemakers convention were useless. They couldn't organise a pea soup in a brewery.

[punyXpress]

A pirate walked into a bar, and the publican said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate," I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The publican replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them crapped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the publican.
"You couldn't lose an eye just from bird crap."
"It was my first day with the hook."

Hundreds of dyslexic Sth Africans have been laying flowers outside Nissan Main Dealers.

[punyXpress]

No Joke really!

Got kicked in the balls today. I was in the lift with a lady who had the most fantastic tits and I just couldn't stop checking them out.
She said "Would you please press One?" so I did.
Don't remember much after that.....

Too funny

I was milking a cow the other day. Watched a fly go in one of the cows ears. Next minute I looked down and the fly was in the pail of milk. It seemed to go in one ear and out the udder.

[squirrel_hunter]

I used to DJ the Summer Solstice at Stonehenge.

But I no longer move in those circles.