View Full Version : The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes
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Paul the 6th
21-02-12, 04:34 PM
http://www.ladrape.com/
that's some funny shiit
that's some funny shiit
I was wondering who'd be brave enough to follow the link
Dave20046
21-02-12, 05:56 PM
I was wondering who'd be brave enough to follow the link
In hindsight, maybe that was a bit trusting
DJFridge
21-02-12, 09:50 PM
Last night I had a dream I was fighting the Grim Reaper with a vacuum cleaner.
I mean, I was literally Dyson with Death
metalangel
22-02-12, 10:34 AM
The wife caught me browsing PornHub and offered to let me reenact a scene with her instead.
As we were going at it, a guy walked in, tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "Would you like to know Ron Jeremy's one weird trick to gain an extra four inches?"
Paul the 6th
22-02-12, 10:52 AM
Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist.
I regretted it literally one minute later.
Balky001
22-02-12, 12:10 PM
I wouldn't say my GF has been around but the label in her knickers says 'NEXT'
metalangel
22-02-12, 12:34 PM
Pancake Day yesterday... it really creped up on us this year didn't it?
Paul the 6th
23-02-12, 08:20 PM
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding out you've been burgled is pretty bad.
Large Breasted Hot Biker Chick does some funny stuff ( . Y . ) lol
http://artoftrolling.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/nluvu.gif?w=480&h=385
andrewsmith
24-02-12, 03:47 PM
:lol:
That reminds me of this
http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/81321_700b.jpg
Went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a loaf of bread....
The birds were all over me
The Idle Biker
24-02-12, 07:18 PM
This lent I'm trying to give up making sexual innuendos. It's so hard.
andrewsmith
24-02-12, 07:37 PM
Impossible to pat back down?
punyXpress
27-02-12, 01:51 PM
An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep http://www.sabre-roads.org.uk/forum/images/smiles/censored.gif now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Englishman, American, Frenchman and an Asian on top of the Eiffel Tower.
The American throws a load of money off the top.
"Why did you do that"? Ask the others.
"We have so much money in the States I can afford to do it" says the American.
"Ok" says the Frenchman and throws a bottle of champagne off the top, saying "we have so much champagne in France I can afford to do it"
The Asian looks at the Englishman and says " Don't you fu**ing dare!"
I thought my Mum was joking when she told me that Davy Jones was dead. But then I saw her face. Now I'm a bereaver.
Originally Posted by Joe Marcon http://forums.sv650.org/images/ca_morpheus_gray/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://forums.sv650.org/showthread.php?p=2670082#post2670082)
well i saw the lambo pass so i pulled out to chase, got to some lights and i filtered to the front :wink: and i took off on the line, he was quick to follow but i edge away (obv he dint have full power on) but i then carried on to the next lights . lambo wasnt seen. i pulled up waiting lmao :L he went passed and another car behind . got to a 200yard stretch and over took car 1 then the lambo he sure put his foot down but all ready had momentum :wink: he chased me up the hill and slowly eased off. there for,, sv restricted 1, lambo 0 ,
we do not see lambos round here, my brother told me about him seeing it earlier this morning, he remebered the reg plate and i car checked it with iphone app and got the details of engine size. if he wants race number 2 then he can see my dad as his cars alot faster than that :wink:
-Ralph-
01-03-12, 07:52 PM
Originally Posted by Joe Marcon
That's all you needed to put :lol:
That's all you needed to put :lol:
That was just for todays joke. I'm waiting for the story when he out drags a Euro Fighter Typhoon off the end of an aircraft carrier :lol:
Biker Biggles
01-03-12, 07:54 PM
Davy Jones found his locker then.
Paul the 6th
02-03-12, 07:41 AM
I met the friendliest homeless man today.
"spare any change?" he asked.
"sorry mate" I replied as I was trying to get past him.
"well I hope you sleep well tonight knowing I'm out here on the street" he said.
"thank you very much you're too kind" I said with a spring in my step & a click of my heels.
punyXpress
02-03-12, 11:21 AM
You barsteward, Paul - I've been on the street all month!
Oh, and a hex on your Gixxer for thinking I'm ' nice ' ;)
What's the similarity between Whitney Houston and a spider?
They are both black, and neither of them can get out of a bath.
Paul the 6th
02-03-12, 04:20 PM
http://static3.itsuxtobefat.com/uploads/omg.jpg
Owenski
02-03-12, 04:20 PM
Ever put a cat in the bath? PURE PANIC
-Ralph-
02-03-12, 04:21 PM
Ever put a cat in the bath? PURE PANIC
Yes, whilst wearing leather motorbike gauntlets!
Owenski
05-03-12, 10:53 AM
BRITISH PENSIONER v's IMMIGRANT
Pensioner weekly allowance: £106.00
Immigrant/Refugee weekly allowance: £250.00
Pensioner weeklySpouse allowance: £25.00
Immigrant/Refugee weekly Spouse allowance: £225.00
Pensioner weekly hardship allowance £0.00
Immigrant/Refugee weekly hardship allowance £100.00
Pensioner Annual Benifit Payout: £6,000
Immigrant/Refugee Annual Benifit Payout: £29,900
well its a joke!!!
Its just not the laughing kind.
SoulKiss
05-03-12, 11:10 AM
BRITISH PENSIONER v's IMMIGRANT
Pensioner weekly allowance: £106.00
Immigrant/Refugee weekly allowance: £250.00
Pensioner weeklySpouse allowance: £25.00
Immigrant/Refugee weekly Spouse allowance: £225.00
Pensioner weekly hardship allowance £0.00
Immigrant/Refugee weekly hardship allowance £100.00
Pensioner Annual Benifit Payout: £6,000
Immigrant/Refugee Annual Benifit Payout: £29,900
well its a joke!!!
Its just not the laughing kind.
Oh dear, and you fell for it...
UK Pensioners v Asylum Seekers Protest Message
Outline
Protest message claims that asylum seekers in the UK receive a substantially higher weekly allowance from the British government than do British pensioners.
Brief Analysis
The claims in the message are untrue. In fact, asylum seekers who come to the UK do not receive more financial assistance from the British government than British pensioners do. The payment figures quoted in the message are not accurate. The rumour is a UK based version of earlier and equally false messages that have circulated in Canada, the US and Australia.
For the rest of the true story click here (http://www.hoax-slayer.com/uk-pensioners-asylum-seekers-protest.shtml).
While we are on the subject, want to buy a mattabooboo ?
Owenski
05-03-12, 11:27 AM
mattabooboo --> google --> yogi bear.
I aint falling for that one
SoulKiss
05-03-12, 11:32 AM
mattabooboo --> google --> yogi bear.
I aint falling for that one
Ok then , what about a picost?
Owenski
05-03-12, 11:37 AM
about £1.39 if its a Gingsters.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 789!
Seven hundred and eighty nine?
Seven hundred and eighty nine?
Because Seven Eight Nine!
Mayonages!
Sorry, too busy to think of the joke but I like the punchline.
Because Seven Eight Nine!
:smt099Dude, come on... I got it! :p Was just playing with ya
A lamborghini and a suzuki SV650 we're travelling down a road with a slight curve.....
While riding one day, a biker met a Farmer riding a horse with a dog and a sheep alongside.
The biker began a conversation . . . .
• Biker: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
• Farmer: "Dogs don't talk."
• Biker: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
• Dog: "Doing' alright."
• Farmer: Look of shock.
• Biker: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the farmer.
• Dog: "Yep."
• Biker: "How does he treat you?"
• Dog: "Really well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, & takes me to the river once a week."
• Farmer: Look of total disbelief.
• Biker: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
• Farmer: "Horses don't talk."
• Biker: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
• Horse: "Cool."
• Farmer: Extreme look of shock.
• Biker: "Is this your owner? " pointing at the Farmer.
• Horse: "Yessiree Bob."
• Biker: "How's he treating you?"
• Horse: "Pretty good, and thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
• Farmer: Total look of utter amazement.
• Biker: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
• Farmer: "Don't believe a F***ing Word That sheep Says... It's a liar!"
gruntygiggles
07-03-12, 07:01 PM
While riding one day, a biker met a Farmer riding a horse with a dog and a sheep alongside.
The biker began a conversation . . . .
• Biker: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
• Farmer: "Dogs don't talk."
• Biker: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
• Dog: "Doing' alright."
• Farmer: Look of shock.
• Biker: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the farmer.
• Dog: "Yep."
• Biker: "How does he treat you?"
• Dog: "Really well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, & takes me to the river once a week."
• Farmer: Look of total disbelief.
• Biker: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
• Farmer: "Horses don't talk."
• Biker: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
• Horse: "Cool."
• Farmer: Extreme look of shock.
• Biker: "Is this your owner? " pointing at the Farmer.
• Horse: "Yessiree Bob."
• Biker: "How's he treating you?"
• Horse: "Pretty good, and thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
• Farmer: Total look of utter amazement.
• Biker: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
• Farmer: "Don't believe a F***ing Word That sheep Says... It's a liar!"
Must pinch this one :-)
Shawthing
07-03-12, 08:14 PM
What's the diference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?
One Mucks about in the Fountains, and the other.....
is a four legged herbivore.
LankyIanB
07-03-12, 08:56 PM
An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him...
At that instant the Atheist cried out,
'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?
'Very well,' said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:
'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful,
Amen.'
_Stretchie_
07-03-12, 09:08 PM
:D.
Sent from my Desire HD using Tapatalk
Mrs DJ Fridge
07-03-12, 09:36 PM
An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him...
At that instant the Atheist cried out,
'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?
'Very well,' said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:
'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful,
Amen.'
Best joke I have heard all year
What have George Michael and a Wellington boot got in common?
They both get sucked off in bogs.
Dave20046
07-03-12, 10:42 PM
:lol:
I heard a joke once:
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel.
Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple.
The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
kasandrich
08-03-12, 09:55 AM
I have lost the thingy that peels carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they had seen it.......apparantly she left me on tuesday!
Mr Speirs
08-03-12, 10:05 AM
A new recruit into the Para's asks his commanding officer to answer some questions.
Recruit: 'Sir what do I do if my parachute fails to open'
The commanding officer says 'You have a reserve parachute on your front, pull the tag and you'll float safely to the ground.
Recruit 'Sir but what do I do if the reserve chute fails to open?'
CO 'Well in that case you shout 'Allah!! Allah!! Help me'
Recruit 'But sir I am a christian'
CO 'Doesn't matter, if your main chute and your reserve chute both fail you shout Allah Allah Help me ok?
Recruit 'Yes sir'
So the next day the recruit is doing his first jump out of an aeroplane, he pulls his main chute and it flys away, he goes for his reserve chute and nothing happens. So he remembers what his CO says and starts shouting:
Allah!! Allah!! Help me.
And as the recruit is falling a big brown hand appears out of the sky and catches the recruit and delivers him gently to the ground.
'Thank god for that!!' Shouts the recruit
And a big brown foot appears and stamps on him.
Shawthing
08-03-12, 09:01 PM
What's the difference between a Magician's Wand and a Police Batton?
A Magicians Wand is for Cunning Stunts.
What's the diference between a Pickpocket and a Peeping Tom?
A Pickpocket Snatches Watches.
Dave20046
08-03-12, 09:21 PM
they're great, not heard them before
DJFridge
08-03-12, 09:59 PM
Stolen from a very old joke book:
Why do Russian secret policemen go round in threes?
One to read, one to write and one to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals
Bluepete
09-03-12, 07:59 AM
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison!
Pete ;)
Paul the 6th
09-03-12, 08:47 AM
Stolen from a very old joke book:
Why do Russian secret policemen go round in threes?
One to read, one to write and one to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals
I get the impression BananaMan would like that :D
RACEFIT_GLADDY
09-03-12, 08:55 AM
Boy George's Reptile has been seen biting 5 different people today!
He needs to get a calmer Chameleon.
RACEFIT_GLADDY
09-03-12, 09:04 AM
Walking down the street the other day and this bloke decides to throw a block of cheese at a young child..
I thought, Thats Mature
xXBADGERXx
14-03-12, 10:10 PM
Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane
To take them into the Rockies for a weeks hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot Said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let Us Take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off.
However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power theLittle plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only Paddy and Mick survived The crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where
We are?"
Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last
year."
punyXpress
15-03-12, 09:14 AM
Excuse American spelling!
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?" "The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career".
hindle8907
15-03-12, 12:18 PM
two irish guys in a shop, 1 of them pics up a mirror and says look at this picture I know him but can't think of his name.
the other guy picks it up looks at it and says 'its me ya daft ****.
Dave20046
15-03-12, 06:26 PM
Ha just seen a picture on friendface :
10494
DJFridge
15-03-12, 09:34 PM
Ha just seen a picture on friendface :
10494
Is that genuine?
punyXpress
15-03-12, 09:36 PM
What, the offer of Clubcard points ? ;)
DJFridge
15-03-12, 09:38 PM
Yeah, I didn't think ass fudge got you loyalty points!
Dave20046
15-03-12, 09:46 PM
it looks it although it's now appeared all over fag book - dunno if that proves or disproves it's authenticity tbh!
andrewsmith
15-03-12, 09:50 PM
Lozzo posted it and I seemed to have shared it through the org
Dave20046
15-03-12, 10:04 PM
I spotted it on a shefffield local page then it went somewhere else then metal head shared it, just went mad
had hoped it was a local store that'd goofed :(
metalangel
16-03-12, 06:15 AM
Not as funny, but a racialist sign wot I saw in my local Asda a few years ago:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v90/metalangel/nice%20pix/asdachink.jpg
Specialone
16-03-12, 07:42 AM
The wife's called, she's took a pregnancy test, she's confirmed my fears, she's a fat **** :)
Paul the 6th
16-03-12, 09:59 AM
I got bollokced by a member of staff for taking this picture :D told her I was offended by it because I was blind, she came over all apologetic??? Dumbass.
https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-RmLL4fFhT8k/T2MOzvqTGmI/AAAAAAAAFkQ/6BvRbD1O_6U/s720/photo.JPG
xXBADGERXx
16-03-12, 10:16 AM
Should have said that your eyes are so bad that you use the zoom on your phone to read stuff like that :)
punyXpress
16-03-12, 10:34 AM
New sig " Dumbass ", Paul? ;)
Paul the 6th
16-03-12, 04:31 PM
done :)
aaron020873
16-03-12, 09:21 PM
Was out walking with the wife this morning, she suddenly stopped and removed her shoe complaining about a stone in it, I replied there's about 20 stone in the other, so keep walking you fat ****.
Specialone
19-03-12, 02:41 PM
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband
reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said,
"Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have
to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been
unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a very
good reason."
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never
suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by “ very 'good reasons?”
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were
about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.
"Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the
next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that.
You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t
have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went
to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at
no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my
life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"All right," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for captain of
your golf team and you needed 73 more votes?"
gruntygiggles
20-03-12, 07:54 PM
I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, "My money's on the one with the knife." You should have seen how fast they both ran off.
DJFridge
20-03-12, 09:23 PM
A duck walks up to a cosmetic counter and asks for some Shocking Pink lipstick.
"And how are you going to pay for that, then?" asks the girl behind the counter.
"Just put it on my bill."
DJFridge
25-03-12, 09:12 PM
I asked the wife the other day if she wanted to try out a rape fantasy.
"NO I WOULD NOT!!"
"That's the spirit!"....
Dave20046
25-03-12, 09:22 PM
I asked the wife the other day if she wanted to try out a rape fantasy.
"NO I WOULD NOT!!"
"That's the spirit!"....
A variant of my fave chat up line :)
Owenski
26-03-12, 08:06 AM
We've had this conversation, "get in the van" doesnt count as a chat up line Dave!
Nor "does this smell like chloroform" or "does this taste of rohypnol".
xXBADGERXx
26-03-12, 08:10 AM
A bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful Woman was beside him . He leans over and says "You remind me of my little toe" .
She replies "What ? ..... you mean I am small and cute ?"
And He replies "Nope .... I`ll probably bang you on the Coffee Table later when I`m drunk"
Owenski
26-03-12, 08:15 AM
HA! like it!
Dave20046
26-03-12, 09:41 AM
Rapevictimsayswhat
Paul the 6th
26-03-12, 09:43 AM
aboomboomboomifyouregaysay Wayo!
Dave20046
26-03-12, 10:12 AM
FAttyboomboomletmehearyousaywhale!
Very rarely do they catch on and happily sing back.
xXBADGERXx
26-03-12, 10:31 AM
Wayo!
:smt040
metalangel
27-03-12, 11:21 PM
You heard the French title for The Hunger Games?
Battle Royale with Cheese!
metalangel
27-03-12, 11:26 PM
I'm hosting an African-themed party tonight.
There's no food and the drinks are twelve miles away.
punyXpress
28-03-12, 09:06 AM
Four nuns in a convent decided to watch TV one afternoon.
The first nun wanted to watch the horse racing.
The second nun wanted to watch the keep-fit programme.
The third nun wanted to watch her favourite soap opera.
The fourth nun wanted to watch the religious show.
So, they agreed on a compromise. They would all watch thirty seconds of each programme in turn.
Shortly afterwards the Mother Superior passed by the TV room, and heard the following:
"and they're off!!!"...
"up and down, up and down, up and down"....
"She's pregnant!"...
"and so a child was born"..
SoulKiss
28-03-12, 10:03 AM
You heard the French title for The Hunger Games?
Battle Royale with Cheese!
Surely that should be Dutch :p
Oh and nice obscure one there :)
Whats Voldemorts least favourite animal?
Harrypottermous
Bluepete
28-03-12, 01:52 PM
Can you spare just £2.00?
Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia.
He has only one arm, one leg and one eye.
Every day, he has to ride seven miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bicycle with bent wheels, no brakes and only on epedal.
If you send us just £2.00, we'll send you the video. It's feckin' hilarious!
Pete :)
Q. What's the difference between paraffin, petrol and diesel?
A. There's 2 ffs in paraffin but no effin' petrol or diesel :lol:
ruddlad
29-03-12, 08:09 PM
Husband & wife at Asda, he puts a box Stella in trolley. "What you think ur doing "? Asks wife. "Its on offer, £10 for 24 cans" "Put em back we can't afford it" says wife. A few aisles on wife picks up £20 jar of face cream & puts it in trolley. "What u doing"? Asks husband. "It makes my face look beautiful" she says. Husband says, " So does 24 cans of Stella & it's half the ****ing price...
DJFridge
29-03-12, 09:10 PM
I grew up in a tough part of town. The local yobs used to cover me in chocolate and cream and then put a cherry on my head.
Life was hard in the gateau
Bluepete
06-04-12, 09:28 PM
Getting a blowjob from an ugly person is like rock climbing,
You should never look down...
punyXpress
06-04-12, 09:35 PM
Best one's from a nun who's taken her false teeth out. ;)
davepreston
06-04-12, 09:37 PM
Paddy gets a phone call from the police, "your house has been broken in to, they've drank all your beer and raped your wife"..... Paddy says "BE JEEESUS..!! I can't believe they shagged her after only 4 cans!!"
Mikey10
07-04-12, 07:17 PM
Paddy gets a phone call from the police, "your house has been broken in to, they've drank all your beer and raped your wife"..... Paddy says "BE JEEESUS..!! I can't believe they shagged her after only 4 cans!!"
great that has been written down. :)
I grew up in a tough part of town. The local yobs used to cover me in chocolate and cream and then put a cherry on my head.
Life was hard in the gateauBrilliant
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