View Full Version : The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here
Mighty Boosh
16-05-10, 09:26 PM
I bought a new wig made from bum hair.
Fecking thing kept blowing off.
Mighty Boosh
16-05-10, 09:32 PM
I bought a new deodrant stick today.
The instructions said, remove the lid and push up bottom.
I can hardly walk but when i fart the room smells ferkin lovely.
_Stretchie_
16-05-10, 11:16 PM
A kid came up to me today and asked, "What's your favorite telly tubby?"
I replied, "Probably the samsung 42 inch you cheeky little fecker !"
Ha haaa, like it
I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
The wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the two of us on Valentine's Night. Problem was she's rubbish at snooker!
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in town but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets!
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was "where do most women have curly hair?" Apparently, it's Africa!
One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Scousers and Pikeys is not the correct answer!
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagen.
hindle8907
20-05-10, 05:45 PM
:smt046 good them .
The mother of two British children found dead in Spain is charged with murder after confessing.
Best she wished she booked a holiday in Portugal instead, might've got away with it.
Cuffy..... that's awful. But funny.
Filipe M.
21-05-10, 10:54 PM
The mother of two British children found dead in Spain is charged with murder after confessing.
Best she wished she booked a holiday in Portugal instead, might've got away with it.
Cuffy..... that's awful. But funny.
:smt076
:-dd
:smt044
Used to go out with a fat lass a few years ago and things started to slip in the bedroom department, so in a desperate attempt to spice up our sex life,she decided to dress in kinky lingerie, cape and a mask.
Next thing i know is she rushes into the bedroom & shouts "SUPER PUSSY!!!
"I'll have the soup" i replied!.
The mother of two British children found dead in Spain is charged with murder after confessing.
Best she wished she booked a holiday in Portugal instead, might've got away with it.
:love:
thebluelion
23-05-10, 10:35 PM
Jabba brilliant pmsl
thebluelion
23-05-10, 10:39 PM
paddy rushes his pregnant wife into the maternity ward in labour. Nurse asks "how dilated is she?" Paddy replies " ah jaysus she's over the fecking moon!"
Two women talking,"Do you look at your hubbys face when you are having nookie?" "I did once and he looked really angry" "Why angry" "He was watching from the window...!"
BanannaMan
23-05-10, 11:44 PM
At a hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. Surveying the worried faces, the doctor said: "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news. The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, a you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, " £10,000 for a banker's brain, £15,000 for a doctor's brain and £75,000 for a Harley rider's brain."
The moment turned silent. One man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the Harley rider's brain so much more expensive?"
The doctor replied, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a Harley rider with a brain?"
I made this one up on Saturday night so bare with me! I do rekon its probably been done!
News just in that Russell Crowe is to star as a cannibal in his new film that only eats women.
Its called
Glad He ate her
Ok, TAXI!
barwel1992
24-05-10, 04:38 PM
Ok, TAXI!
+1 :smt039
I made this one up on Saturday night so bare with me! I do rekon its probably been done!
News just in that Russell Crowe is to star as a cannibal in his new film that only eats women.
Its called
Glad He ate her
Ok, TAXI!
Don't forget this too ;)
http://www.moderndandies.com/files/images/Phillip-Lim-inspector-coat.jpg
Noble Ox
24-05-10, 09:59 PM
I fostered a Muslim boy today.
Hit him with all 4 cans....
Can see that one upsetting the wooly brigade ^^^
On a more serious note.
I tripped over some of the kids toys last night, i ended up falling on the lads farm yard set and getting 4 horses, 3 sheep and a tractor lodged up my ar$e.
A quick trip to A&E ensued, where the Dr said he'd have to keep me in over night, but not to worry as i'm in a stable condition.
hindle8907
25-05-10, 08:17 AM
What do Mexicans put under their carpets?
Underlay, underlay
(ill get my coat)
What with all this glorious weather we've been having over the last few days i only thought it fair to share some top camping tips with you.
If you've pitched your tent next to an attractive young lady and upon engaging in conversation she say's, that due to the current hot spell she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it is NOT necessarily an open invitation for casual sex......
I appear in court next week!
Jamesy D
25-05-10, 09:40 PM
http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129165187334369262.jpg
Went and saw a great Indian Elvis impersonator the other night.
Ahmul Shukup.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2033/2165714798_afc0f7dc80_m.jpg
Thang you very much!
Everyone a winner My C :lol:
Ventriloquist Ray Alan has passed away at the age of 79.
Poor old Lord Charles is speechless.
DarrenSV650S
28-05-10, 10:30 PM
paddy rushes his pregnant wife into the maternity ward in labour. Nurse asks "how dilated is she?" Paddy replies " ah jaysus she's over the fecking moon!"
:smt043
Mrs Blue Pete
30-05-10, 08:34 PM
As a dyslexic plumber, can I just say how disappointed I was by the Chelsea Shower Flow...
Gareth Gates cancelled comeback gig in Chester. He got in a taxi but ended up in Chichester.
My Jewish mate walked into Asda and said; "I've got something you can't roll back".
Heathrow Security - No sense of humour. Having a butty in tinfoil, and taped to your chest, they say, isn't funny.
Never trust a man who, when left alone with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on.
Bought some sausages at Sainsbury's with a pic of Jamie Oliver on front. On the back it says "Pr1ck with a fork"
Not sure whether to support North or South Korea in World Cup. Might have to see a Koreas Adviser.
Wife told me she’s seeing someone else as she’s fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.
Romance is like a game of cards: If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
Was watching Desperate Housewives on Dave - He seemed to be enjoying himself.
Farmer grows first ever field of ladies' toys - He’s now having a problem with squatters.
My auntie Marge has been ill for so long I've changed her name to "I Can't Believe She's Not Better".
Got a Saga leaflet saying I can have sex at 82, which is great - I only live at number 74.
John Terry's dad' to be a guest on Whose Line Is It Anyway.
Sad news: Guy who owned Odeon Cinemas has died. His funeral is on Monday @ 2:10, 4:20 & 8:40.
Nothing better than yelling "Lets all!" before the chorus of 'Come on Eileen'.
Been teaching hobbits how to play cricket. Bilbo's good at catching, but he can't really Frodo.
When the marathon was done by Mars you got a Mars Bar when you completed. Flora gave out margarine. It’s Virgin this year. Wish I was running.
Iceland. First they go bankrupt & now they set their island on fire. Anyone smell an insurance scam?
Thanks to Keith Chegwin via Twitter... (yes, he really is still alive...)
Iron Man is a Superhero...
Iron Woman is a command :)
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, and cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candle lit dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond! I'll be at the front door when you get home from work wearing only what nature gave me.
Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 555-5555 and ask for Daisy.
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education than any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!
Glasgow cop says, 'Licence and registration, please.'
London Lawyer says, 'What for?'
Glasgow cop says, 'Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'
London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'
Glasgow cop says, 'Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please.'
London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
Glasgow c op says, 'The difference is, ye huvtae come to a complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!'
London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'
Glasgow cop says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.'
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the f*ck out of the lawyer and says 'Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?'
Rumour has it that Emille Heskey has been dropped from the England squad for a Cumbrian taxi driver.
Well he had more shots on target today than Heskey did all season.
Cymraeg_Atodeg
02-06-10, 08:06 PM
Too early cuffy, too early... lol
xXBADGERXx
02-06-10, 08:07 PM
Cuffy only knows one time for jokes and that is immediately after the incident
It was the local primary school i felt sorry for, it was their sports day today.
Never seen so many false starts ;)
xXBADGERXx
02-06-10, 08:34 PM
Your a bad bad (but funny) man . RoAST IN HELL ....... (snigger)
Just caught up with my Dad, he just come back from a holiday in Cumbria.
All he bought me back was a bloody t shirt!
gruntygiggles
02-06-10, 09:10 PM
Cuffy....you're killing me!
STRAMASHER
03-06-10, 11:11 AM
Whats the fastest way from Glasgow to Blackpool?
You shoot through Cumbria!
gruntygiggles
03-06-10, 11:20 AM
Oh STRAM........you're gonna get it...lol
Owenski
03-06-10, 11:52 AM
no such thing as too soon, just sensative people.
Nice ones cuffy/stram keep em coming.
STRAMASHER
03-06-10, 12:01 PM
If you don't laugh you would greet.
Owenski
03-06-10, 12:11 PM
An Oxford professor has found after some research that among men there are two catagories for the size of penis in the UK. There are those which fall into the "normal" size catagory and those distincly less than average, whose size is less than 2 inchs when fully erect. The professor has appealed that to aid in his research, could all men who have an extreamly small penis please make themselves known by flying a white flag with a red cross from their car windows.
barwel1992
03-06-10, 12:19 PM
^ :smt081 nice one :D :D
If anybodies planning on going to Whitehaven in the next few days i'd advise taking a coat...
Apparently its minus 12 already!
Jamesy D
03-06-10, 12:59 PM
Crikey Cuffy, you really do strike whilst the iron is hot!
hindle8907
03-06-10, 03:42 PM
Just tried to hail a taxi in Whitehaven, the Ba$tard shot right past me.
Dave20046
03-06-10, 04:43 PM
If there's anything we've learnt from the awful week's events...always tip the ****ing taxi driver!
Mr Speirs
03-06-10, 06:57 PM
Apparently a Whitehaven taxi driver misunderstood the operators instructions when he was asked to 'shoot up Whitehaven and collect a couple of punters'
Essex of Essex
03-06-10, 07:40 PM
John was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife if she would go to Homebase and pick up a hinge.
She agreed to go. While she was waiting for the assistant to finish serving a customer, she noticed a beautiful ornate mixer unit for the shower.
When the guy was finished, she asked him, "How much is that mixer.
He replied, "That's gold plated, latest technology, it's £500.00."
Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that is very expensive, way out of my price bracket."
She then described the hinge that John had sent her to buy.
The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.
From the storeroom the manager yelled. "Ma'am, do you wanna screw for the hinge?"
Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the mixer."
This is why you can't send a woman to Homebase.
Well those Tories couldn't be trusted, they lied about saving jobs in Britain.
Last week 3 prostitutes in Bradford got the axe and now 12 people in Cumbria have been given the bullet.
This was posted on FB.
I feel quite bad I had a chuckle at it.
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs357.snc3/29483_1245024740825_1685585196_497869_4102741_n.jp g
On a serious note, it is shocking what happened, I can't imagine what the families feel like, RIP.
Got a good tip today.
Cumbrian cabbie 12/1 shot.
The Basket
05-06-10, 07:18 PM
So the gunman, Derrick Bird is on the loose in Cumbria, supposedly killing 12 people.
Oh, haven't you heard? Because I thought everyone had heard that the bird is the word...
BBB-BIRD BIRD BIRD SAID THE BIRD IS THE WORD.
YoungMan
06-06-10, 12:03 PM
"Went down to beach in Cumbria last week and had som great sex with a woman there"
"Cockermoouth by any chance?"
"No such luck. She'd been shot in the face"
(I'll get me coat ...)
Jamesy D
06-06-10, 02:27 PM
"Went down to beach in Cumbria last week and had som great sex with a woman there"
"Cockermoouth by any chance?"
"No such luck. She'd been shot in the face"
(I'll get me coat ...)
Oh, oh my that's dark. I shouldn't be laughing at that!
Jayneflakes
07-06-10, 10:50 AM
This place is starting to sound like Sickipedia (http://www.sickipedia.org/).
I feel very much at home... :twisted:
yorkie_chris
07-06-10, 11:36 AM
Well, that's the last time I get in a Cumbrian taxi and 'call shotgun'.
A couple are sitting in a restaurant when the man suddenly slips under the table. His female companion doesn't seem to notice so the waiter says, 'madam is your husband alright? He's slipped on the floor'. The woman replies, 'He's not my husband. My husband just walked through the door'.
It's obviously not more helicopters they need in Afghanistan. Ten taxis should do the job.
My mate gave me a good tip for the race at Epson last week.
Anyone know where Cumbrian Cabbie came he sounded like a good shot at 12/1
metalhead19
07-06-10, 10:35 PM
bit nasty but o well......
An old woman came up to me at an atm machine last week and asked me to check her balance for her.
So I turned round and pushed her over.
xXBADGERXx
07-06-10, 10:37 PM
Well, that's the last time I get in a Cumbrian taxi and 'call shotgun'.
Snigger
barwel1992
08-06-10, 12:16 AM
bit nasty but o well......
An old woman came up to me at an atm machine last week and asked me to check her balance for her.
So I turned round and pushed her over.
rolf thats a good one
metalhead19
08-06-10, 12:23 AM
What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy
gruntygiggles
08-06-10, 07:06 AM
What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy
I wouldn't consider having the vasectomy in the first place very macho ;-)
probably only work well if you are a Evil Overlord(TM)....
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject...
**LATEST FROM FOX NEWS**
Babies taste great...
gruntygiggles
08-06-10, 11:11 AM
**LATEST FROM FOX NEWS**
Babies taste great...
I can just see Bill O'Reilly saying that...lol
Brilliant!
punyXpress
08-06-10, 11:14 AM
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchase home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why, thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he said "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
Robert De Niro - 1976, Taxi Driver. 3 Oscars, 2 Emmy's
Derrick Bird - 2010, Taxi Driver, 1 Oscar, 3 Tony's, 2 Emmy's, 1 Gary a Frank and 2 Billys.
metalhead19
08-06-10, 02:46 PM
Asking for a decent service at KFC is just like expecting a standing ovation at a paraplegics convention
I'm sorry but it made me laugh this morning!
Prominent heart surgeon goes to pick up his bike after a service. The mechanic comes out from the workshop and tells him there was a problem with one of the valves but not to worry as he'd fitted a new one.
Mechanic, "Doc, I took the heart out of your bike and replaced a faulty valve. You get paid £100,000 for doing the same to a human, and I get paid £15,000. Do you think that's fair?"
Doc thinks carefully before responding, "well I guess the difference is I do it whilst the engine is still running."
tinpants
09-06-10, 10:18 AM
I wouldn't consider having the vasectomy in the first place very macho ;-)
Really. And why would that be then?
I would consider it as being responsible, which is arguably better than being macho.
IMVHO, of course.
Plus, how the feck would you know? You've never had a vasectomy!!
gruntygiggles
09-06-10, 10:24 AM
Really. And why would that be then?
I would consider it as being responsible, which is arguably better than being macho.
IMVHO, of course.
Plus, how the feck would you know? You've never had a vasectomy!!
Yay......someone saw it. Note the wink at the end of the sentence.....I think that it's probably one of the bravest things a man can put himself through....but no, I wouldn't know!
Anyway....where have you been lately? I've passed my test and everything. Up for a rideout sometime? :-)
tinpants
09-06-10, 10:34 AM
If I can find a day I'm free on, then yeah I'm up for a blat. Real busy at the moment. What with running the Landscaping business, the Community Nursing shifts and shifts in the local Minor Ijuries Units there isn't much time left over. I'm also coaching the boy's footy team as well!!!!
I had a feeling it was a bit of a red herring. I didn't think you would honestly think like that!!
Congrats on passing the test too. Mwah!!:thumright::smt058:thumleft:
http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129178438696533841.jpg
What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy
A poor joke made worse by analysis.
I wouldn't say it was macho to jog home from it, just very stupid :roll:
And I won't ever do it again ;)
Aren't the axes in rather unconventional locations? Z is usually depth...
http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129178438696533841.jpg
Aren't the axes in rather unconventional locations? Z is usually depth...
I didn't think depth was a concern in the subject either...
I'm also coaching the boy's footy team as well!!!!
At least you're posting in the correct section Nick ;)
A poor joke made worse by analysis.
I wouldn't say it was macho to jog home from it, just very stupid :roll:
And I won't ever do it again ;)
Pah! I played rugby 4 days after mine..and that's the truth.
Jamesy D
09-06-10, 02:47 PM
http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129178438696533841.jpg
Aha, Snakes on a Plane... I like it ;)
gruntygiggles
10-06-10, 12:06 AM
If I can find a day I'm free on, then yeah I'm up for a blat. Real busy at the moment. What with running the Landscaping business, the Community Nursing shifts and shifts in the local Minor Ijuries Units there isn't much time left over. I'm also coaching the boy's footy team as well!!!!
I had a feeling it was a bit of a red herring. I didn't think you would honestly think like that!!
Congrats on passing the test too. Mwah!!:thumright::smt058:thumleft:
I knew you knew me better ya numpty....lol. Haven't seen you for bl00dy ages. Live about 10 mins from Cuffy now, so will give you a shout next time we're over the bridge. I'll PM you my mobile. If I show you mine first....will you show me yours??? ;-)
yeah...loving the bike....might get Cuffy out for another blat when I get the downpipes sorted.
Speaking of Cuffy...................
At least you're posting in the correct section Nick ;)
Pah! I played rugby 4 days after mine..and that's the truth.
Stop it with the rugby stories...lol, bringing back so many memories that are really better left forgotten...lol ;-)
I saw a TV on special offer in Currys. It had a sign on it that read.
"Faulty TV, volume stuck on full only £1"
I thought, I can't turn that down.
What have Mr T and Theo Walcott got in common?
Aint neither gettin' on any plane fool
What have Mr T and Theo Walcott got in common?
Aint neither gettin' on any plane fool
I know theres more to that joke though ;)
So today a group of clowns were demonstraiting in El Salvador about bank robbers dressing as clowns. Personally i think they were trying to be funny!
Let's see them put their money where their mouth is.
Webuyanycar.com
How much for Derrick Bird's taxi then?
punyXpress
13-06-10, 08:22 PM
Is it too late to join the 21st century? :
Cell phone for Seniors
I want one !!!!
http://f263.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f213482%5fABCwktkAAAcgTBU5ZAlQli9k mdE&pid=1.2.3&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Bluepete
13-06-10, 08:28 PM
Is it too late to join the 21st century? :
Cell phone for Seniors
I want one !!!!
http://f263.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f213482%5fABCwktkAAAcgTBU5ZAlQli9k mdE&pid=1.2.3&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Is the failure to get the pic to work an ironic statement?
Pete ;)
xXBADGERXx
13-06-10, 08:34 PM
Is it too late to join the 21st century? :
Cell phone for Seniors
I want one !!!!
http://f263.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f213482%5fABCwktkAAAcgTBU5ZAlQli9k mdE&pid=1.2.3&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Stop dribbling into your Porridge you mad old fool :stupid:, you make me laugh mate :D
punyXpress
13-06-10, 08:42 PM
At least I kept my porridge down - in the Lakes! ;)
Is it too early to ask Nelson Mandella if he's willing to sell his grand daughters ticket for the world cup final?
South African police admit having problems with drug dealers, thieves and sex fiends during this years world cup.
However, a spokesman has said that once John Terry's family have gone home things will return back to normal.
Is it too early to ask Nelson Mandella if he's willing to sell his grand daughters ticket for the world cup final?
Has anyone mentioned before...?
You're a bad man Cuffy!
:smt108
:smt044
Essex of Essex
16-06-10, 03:06 PM
Friday 18th of June - dont miss it! A war of two nations! England and Algeria! One of them a fanatical Muslim country, where bombers and terrorists are born and trained. Where tough, medieval Sharia law is being implemented and white Christians are outcasts and live in fear.....
The other one is Algeria ....
xXBADGERXx
16-06-10, 04:08 PM
A female colleague is complaining about the vuvuzelas, which is odd, as being a woman, I thought she'd be used to the loud incessant horn sound every time she comes to a roundabout.
Owenski
17-06-10, 09:59 AM
Traffic Officer: "I'll have to report you, sir"
Motorist: "What did I do officer"
Traffic Officer: "You were doing in excess of 85miles an hour"
Motorist: "Nonsense officer, I've only been travelling for 10minutes"
wyrdness
19-06-10, 05:40 PM
The England team visited an orphanage in Cape Town today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Jamal, aged 6.
missyburd
19-06-10, 09:15 PM
The England team visited an orphanage in Cape Town today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Jamal, aged 6.
Damn it, was just going to post that! :rolleyes::p
BanannaMan
20-06-10, 02:58 AM
John met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were having a contest as to who could make the best toast.
John hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, Between the legs of me wife!" That won him top prize for the best toast of the night.
He went home and told his wife, Mary, he won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, and what was your toast?"
John replied, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife!"
Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Did you know that John won the prize the other night with a toast about you, Mary?"
She said, "Aye, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!"
Essex of Essex
21-06-10, 11:38 PM
Monday, Argentina meet Brazil in Capetown..
Tuesday, Spain meet Italy in Jo-Burg....
Wednesday, England meet France at the airport....
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